When something bad happens to you, it’s so easy to blame someone else. We all know somebody like this, and we all need to realize that we are probably this person. Think about it. If you’re going through a break up, do you always blame yourself or the other person? If you aren’t friends with your previous “best friend,” whose fault was it? Are they really at fault? The more you think about it, the more you will realize that more times than not, you think that you are the victim. Well, I’m here to tell you that you are not.

I get it. If you believe it’s someone else’s fault, you can feel bad for yourself. It’s a coping mechanism that everyone uses. While it’s a common thing to do, there are down falls to using it. If you’re always looking for pity and want people bad for you, how are you supposed to grow? You won’t.

You’ll always have that feeling that the next person you open up to is going to hurt you. You’re going to be scared to meet new people and make strong connections with them. To put it frankly, you’re going to end up alone either “too focused on your work” or have ten or more cats and dogs. Or all three, so don’t let this happen. Understand that you have flaws and you don’t always make the best decisions just like the next person, so let that help you become a better person.

Before you start to tell everyone your side of the story, think about if from the other person’s view. A lot of people, myself included, are guilty of moving too quickly. We get this idea in our heads and we try our best to make that idea come true. This being said, some people just don’t like to move that fast. Some like to take it slow and just see where it goes. Clingy people scare them and make them nervous; keep that in mind with your next best friend. Try not to put a label on your next relationship, no matter if it’s a friendship and boyfriend/girlfriend type relationship. Just let whatever’s supposed to happen happen. This way, you can kind of protect yourself and not pressure or scare the other person. Just be chill about it.

Now, sometimes it really is the other person’s fault. Maybe they cheated on you or maybe they freaked out at you for no reason. Then it’s understandable to blame them. Still, do not feel bad for yourself. Learn from it and move on; don’t get hung up on it. Don’t continue to go over every detail in your head, because I can guarantee they aren’t wasting their time with that. Especially don’t put it all over every social media for everyone to see, that just shows them that they won. Just. Move. On.

Everyone always says you need to love yourself before you can love someone else. In this case, that statement is absolutely true. If you start focusing on yourself you will begin realize what you need, and you won't go looking for what you're missing in other people. If you are constantly looking to someone to fill that hole, you will end up feeling more empty than you were at the beginning.

So, take some time and find yourself. Learn your flaws and strengths and work on both of them. Once you do this, you will be so unbelievably happy you won't even be able to fathom it. Not only that, but the next people you form relationships with will be happy too.