During this period of our lives (I am talking to you, Millennials), we are faced with a series of life choices, responsibilities, and experiences that are deliriously daunting and absolutely essential at the same time. The college-aged phase is made of up of many smaller phases. Think: the party phase, the apathetic phase, the “oh my lands I need to get it into gear I graduate in like three months” phase, and so on. One phase in particular is one that I think inspires more growth than most.

The Roommate Phase.

During the first ten years of adulthood, many of us will have at least one roommate. One person that we have to share a space with for an extended period of time. Whether it be on campus or off campus, undergrad or post grad, you will probably have to live with someone who isn’t family. This has overwhelmingly proven to be one of the most challenging periods in a young adult’s life.

If you’re like me, you suffered through a roller coaster of different roommates. I think at this point I have racked up ten roommates and counting. There have been decent times but a lot of the time, my roommate experiences were disappointing and very difficult. For a long time, I would make excuses and rage to my friends about the roommate(s) in question. I really thought that I just had the misfortune of stumbling into one awkward living situation after another.

But finally (very recently in fact), I had a sudden and shocking self-realization. I was the problem.

It’s similar to a relationship. If a person is in and out of relationships and they all end the same way, there comes a point where you have to realize that the common denominator in all these situations is you.

I’m not saying that I think I am impossible to live with or that I am the “worst kind of human.” But I have learned that I have expectations, habits and attitudes that make me difficult to live with and it’s something I am now committed to being cognizant of and repairing.

Living with all these individuals helped me learn more and more about what I need from a roommate and what I can let go. It also helped me learn about my temperament and about how messy and inconsiderate I really can be. However, being aware of these things has helped me find solutions to them as well.

Let me be clear, I don’t think that my horror story is the only way to learn important lessons from roommates. I have a close friend named Cecilia who roomed with another good friend, Natasha, for all four years of undergrad.

The very idea of it is shocking and confusing to me. But they did it and they made it work and they loved it. They are the very best of friends and anyone who knows them knows this to be an indisputable fact. When they parted ways, it was like a scene right out of “Grey’s Anatomy” – you know the scenes where something sad happens and Cristina and Mer dance it out to some song that no one has ever heard of but still pulls at your heartstrings – anyway, I digress.

My point is that they learned the same lessons I did. They learned about themselves and each other and how to live and thrive in an unfamiliar environment. They learned how to be an effective team. Yes, they had their bumps and scrapes but it is highly unlikely you will ever live with someone and not get a little beat up sometimes. When you take two or more people from extensively different backgrounds and force them into a concrete shoebox for ten to twelve months at a time, there are going to be some disagreements.

There is always something to learn. There is always some avenue of growth when you live with other people. The important thing is to put yourself in this pressure situations so that you can grow and learn these lessons. Garner some self-awareness. Live a little. Take chances. Make mistakes. Get messy (Thank you, Miss Frizzle and The Magic School Bus).