There is an indescribable feeling to having your heart broken by the one that you thought was your soulmate. It sounds stupid to many people to say you have found your one true love when you are only eighteen years old, but it really is not stupid at all. When you make such immense promises to this person, and when you talk about things that you would never discuss with any other being on this earth, you know that they are the one for you.

But then they leave you over text, at the lowest point in your entire life, and you crumble and dissipate into nothing. You fall apart, cry day in and day out, and there is nothing that anybody can say to you that would make you feel better in any capacity. Friends try to help by saying they will destroy that person. Family holds you while you cry into their shoulder for what feels like years. But nothing really helps the fact that you are broken beyond repair.

“Just get over it,” “You will find somebody else,” “He does not know what he is missing out on,” “He will come back to you.”

I cannot get over it. I will not find somebody else because I have zero desire to do so. He clearly is not missing out on much because he is already with another girl who I used to call a friend. He will never come back to me.

Really all I can say is that it sucks so damn hard.

But what sucks the most is that this person clearly never cared. If they did, they would not have left me at the lowest point in my life; the person who they claimed they loved for years before we even got together. They would not have moved on just two weeks after our separation. They would not rub it in my face every chance they got. They would never want to see me the way that I have been for the past two weeks; broken, disheveled, crying, losing hope and so much more. But alas, here I am.

It all sounds stupid, and it all sounds like something I should not talk about publicly. But it is not stupid, and this is the only medium that I can express my feelings in. Heartbreak hurts always. But when it is from the one person who you finally trusted and gave all of yourself to, there is not just emotional pain. There is physical pain. Every kind of pain possible will be felt.

There is no strength to get up to go to classes sometimes. My face is too red and my eyes are too bloodshot to go out in public. There is too much nausea and vomiting over the real, actual physical pain that the heartbreak is causing.

Again, it just sucks so hard.

If there is one thing that I would want anybody to take out of this forever on-going hurt that I feel is that people will tell you things will get better. Sometimes, though, they will not. People will not be blunt with you in order to spare your feelings in this horribly difficult time.

But this is what it feels like. This is what it feels like when the person you thought you would marry after college dumps you over text and begins relationships with other girls right afterward. This is the kind of hurt that will never go away.

And that is okay. It will not feel okay, but you have every right to feel intensely hurt. People will tell you not to feel the hurt, but it might be the only way for you to get by each day.