You Don't Need Him To Be Happy

You Don't Need Him To Be Happy

You don't like him, you like the idea of him

You don’t like him, you like the idea of him.

Trust me, I know you scroll through the popular page on Instagram and see all these perfect couples. I know you want what you think they have. And that’s why you would give your everything to the first guy that notices you.

I think way too far ahead, like most girls. I don’t know why we do it but even just a simple “hey” makes us think about if we're going to go to your house or ours for Christmas.It drives me crazy and I've realized lately I need to stop worrying so much about the future and enjoy the present.

All my life, I’ve been single because I haven’t met someone worth it all. Until I met the guy who changed my whole perspective on the world.

He treated me so well I didn’t even know I could be treated that good. I realized that it wouldn’t work out between us for different reasons, and instead of staying in the relationship just because I’ve wanted someone my whole life and I had finally found someone who treated me well, I got out of it because I realized I deserve someone who wants to commit and someone who isn’t afraid to lose me.

I made myself believe that he could be the one. I made myself believe that he felt the same way. But he didn’t. I was just another girl to him, while to me he was my future.

I don’t date in this generation just to “date”. I date to marry, and I take it seriously. I want someone who is looking for the same, and he wasn't it. He couldn’t commit to me and that’s okay. And it's okay to leave the relationship because of that. Ladies, you deserve a guy who is 110% down for you, not someone who is unsure if he even sees a future with you.

I know it's easier to stay with him because he makes you happy, and you think that all those times make up for the fact that he won’t commit to you. And it may be easier, and less heartbreaking at the time. But it won't be worth it. You can't force a relationship, and you can't force someone to have the same feelings for you.

What you can do is wait until the right guy comes.

Don’t go looking for a relationship or forcing one, let the right person come to you. You'll find him, trust me. And when you do, fall in love with him... not the idea of him. The right him. The one who is crazy about you and the one who shows you off, and most importantly the one who really gets you and isn’t afraid of loving, and most importantly, losing you.

You don’t need him to be happy.

You don’t need him to feel satisfied.

And you definitely don’t need him because everyone else has a “him”.

I never dated in high school. Not because I didn’t like anyone, but because I chose not to. When I date I am honestly looking for my someone. I knew no one in high school was going to be that someone for me. Some people found their person in high school, and that’s amazing. But for me, it hasn’t happened yet and I’m on my second year in college. And that’s fine.

I thought going to college was going to be amazing and I would find my future husband and we would live happily ever after. I was totally wrong.

Our generation isn’t worried about dating, or even about the future. Don’t get me wrong; there are a few exceptions, like myself. I look around at all these couples and think, are they really happy together, or are they just together because everyone else has someone too? I don’t to let my happiness to depend on a boy. You should learn to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else. Having someone is just the icing on top, and loving yourself is what really matters.

And I'm not only speaking for girls, guys: you don’t her to be happy. I know all of your buddies have someone and it can be embarrassing or lonely if you don’t. But don’t settle for easy, find the girl that is worth fighting for. She will be worth it. You deserve the best, and nothing less.

Most importantly, be happy with yourself, learn to love yourself and know how to be single before you get in a relationship. Don’t depend on a guy to make you happy or fill the hole you might have from past relationships, do it yourself. You don’t need him, and he doesn’t deserve you until he shows he's afraid of losing you.

Cover Image Credit: Brooke Viger

Popular Right Now

22 New Things That I Want To Try Now That I'm 22

A bucket list for my 22nd year.


"I don't know about you but I'm feelin' 22," I have waited 6 long years to sing that and actually be 22! Now 22 doesn't seem like a big deal to people because you can't do anything that you couldn't do before and you're still super young. But I'm determined to make my 22nd year a year filled with new adventures and new experiences. So here's to 22.

Cover Image Credit:

Author's illustration

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

'The Bachelorette' Week 2 Recap

I hope Lil Jon gets the final rose.


After being dumped painfully and publicly by her fiance, former Bachelor Arie Luyendyk Jr., Becca Kufrin is ready to open herself back up and do the damn thing as the new Bachelorette! Like always, I had very little hope going into this season of the Bachelorette. Now, the stakes are even higher following Becca's engagement. This time around, I feel like I need to protect her from the douchebags of the world, which includes the majority of the men featured this season. However, after watching the second episode, I feel like Becca might just find her match after all.

The episode opens up with a bang: the first group date of the season! The lucky men include Clay, Nick, UCF's very own Chris R. (I have yet to see another Chris but I'm rolling with it), David (aka the guy who wore the chicken suit on night one. I didn't even recognize him without the feathers), Lincoln, Jordan, Jean Blanc, and Connor. The men run (literally) to Saddlerock Ranch, where Becca awaits in a suspiciously white gown. She takes them to a room full of tuxedos and they basically perform a free strip show, much to Becca's amusement. I'm not even ten minutes into the episode and I've already decided that my favorite part was Jordan telling Becca that the first thing she should do when she wakes up is put her confidence on. I honestly can't tell whether he's from this planet or not.

After the men are dressed, Becca leads them to an obstacle course hosted by none other then former-Bachelorette Rachel Lindsay and fiance Bryan. First, the men have to drag a ball attached to their ankle. Next, they have to jump into a vat of cold water and set a timer. Then, they have to climb a slope covered with oil and Crisco. After this, they have to crawl in the mud under a net, grab a bouquet of flowers, and place the bouquet in a vase. Finally, they have to use their mouths to find rings that are hidden in four cakes and race to Becca, who's waiting at the altar.

I don't care what anyone says. Lincoln CHEATED. I don't know how, but that man was out of the water tub at least 30 seconds before his opponents. Fortunately, he forgets to put his bouquet in the vase at the end and David catches up! It looks like David is going to win until Lincoln pushes him down and makes it to Becca first. All of the men are frustrated and devastated. When they go back to a room to finish their group date, Becca gives Lincoln a picture of them at the "altar" and Lincoln starts acting like they're already married. He puts the picture on display for the other guys to see, much to their dismay. Connor, in particular, is absolutely livid. He and Lincoln fight over the picture until he decides to chuck it out the window and shatter it. Lincoln starts bawling to Becca and explains he needs a new picture. She's visibly frustrated after talking to Connor; she didn't realize it would get this emotional on the second night.

Next up is the first one-on-one date, which goes to Blake (my frontrunner this season). This is Becca's first one-on-one date since she was engaged to Arie and she's "a little nervous." A limo takes the couple to a "grungy" alleyway, where Chris Harrison stands holding a sledgehammer. Becca and Blake change into appropriate clothing and enter a warehouse full of memories from her relationship with Arie, including the very couch he dumped her on. Also, Lil Jon shows up. The entirety of their date consists of Becca (and Blake) breaking everything in the warehouse and making it rain champagne while Lil Jon commentates. I've seen a lot of weird Bachelor/Bachelorette dates but this one's one of the weirdest.

The couple has a normal dinner where they learn they have so much in common. Both are ready to be vulnerable after experiencing difficult break-ups. Blake seems like such a genuine sweetheart and he's quickly become my favorite of the season. Blake, without question, gets the date rose. He and Becca make out a lot and she can't wipe the grin off her face. If I'm being honest, I can't either. I'm the most bitter person on Earth but it makes me so happy to see Becca so happy.

The following day, Becca has yet another group date. This time, a yellow school bus picks up Leo, Wills, Garrett, John, Ryan, Rickey, Alex, Trent, Chris, and Colton and brings them to a gym, where they meet Becca and three kids. The challenge? Dodgeball, of course. The children turn into ruthless drill sergeants who scream and insult the men while they catch dodgeballs going 100 mph. My favorite line uttered by the kids is "Trash! Do you think Becca wants trash?" Iconic.

Most of the men cower behind Becca. Their logic is the other men wouldn't dare hit the woman whose heart they're vying for. Think again, men. Christon hits Becca with dodgeballs repeatedly, but it seems like she likes it. (I could make ball jokes about this all day.) I didn't think the date could get any better but boy, was I wrong. The real dodgeball tournament is taking place in a trampoline room filled with screaming people. The men are divided up into the pink team and the green team. Leo is the only one standing on the pink team after every round and he seems to be the only person good at it. However, the green team prevails and wins the massive gold trophy. Alex jokes that maybe they should move the trophy out of sight.

Perhaps the most dramatic moment from the group date is after the tournament. Colton tells Becca that he once had a relationship with her friend and former castmate from Arie's season, Tia. We don't know the extent of their relationship, but they did spend a weekend together, according to Colton. He says the timing wasn't right and makes excuses but Becca is disgusted, although she still finds him attractive. (Spoiler alert: he gets a rose so it looks like he won't be going home any time soon).

Now it's time for the pre-rose ceremony cocktail party. Becca makes out and forms connections with a lot of the men. Even Connor gets back in her good graces when he has her throw a framed picture of him out the window like he did Lincoln's. The main event, however, is (you guessed it) Jordan showing a new, different side of himself. A (mostly) naked one. That's right, the male model strips down to his boxers and wears his shirt like a cape to impress Becca and for some reason, she's kind of digging it. The other men (boys???), however, are most certainly not. David, in particular, is quite offended. He addresses Jordan and somehow all I can think of is Jordan making up the word "ingueninity." I really thought Becca would get a group of at least somewhat smart men, but I'm starting to realize that's just not the case.

Becca sits down with Colton yet again and tears up as she realizes she should send him home. We'll just have to wait until to the rose ceremony to find out! Chris R., David, John, Jordan (why?), Jean Blanc, Garrett, Nick, Ryan, Connor, Leo, Jason, Mike, Clay, Christon, Lincoln (why?), and Colton (told you) get roses which means Rickey, Trent, and Alex must part ways with their beloved Becca. Alex sobs for a good twenty seconds and I sob with him because Becca kept Colton around.

I learned a lot about Becca in this episode. She's very no-nonsense and when she sees red flags she sends people home. I was surprised and not so surprised that she kept Colton around, only because it's hard to tell what his intentions are. As of right now, my favorites are Blake and Garrett, but Garrett might just end up on my shit list after being caught in an Instagram scandal last week. I have a lot of hope for Becca and I hope one of these guys turns out to be the one for her (crossing my fingers for Blake!!!!). Here's to eight more weeks of super weird dates and Chris Harrison announcing the final rose of the night!

Cover Image Credit:


Related Content

Facebook Comments