On Thanksgiving break, I will see my best friend for the first time in so long. Since we've graduated, I have only seen him once. My other friends have probably seen him that may times, or even less. He saw me through some rough times. We've been friends since the 5th grade. So what made it so we couldn't see (or hear from) each other until now? "Trust issues". Yep. That's right. A girl came into his life, and took him from us.
This is my problem with "trust issues": Most of the people claiming to have them don't. Most of these people are just looking for an excuse to be severely overprotective. Why do we glorify the "crazy" girlfriend? Let's say you hear about someone's significant other cutting them off from their friends of the opposite sex, constantly checking their phone, and sending threatening messages all of their friends of the opposite sex. Why is it that when that's a man, it's abusive, but when it's a woman, it's being a caring girlfriend? That makes no sense. Both are abusive.
"But, Deavon, I'm not abusive. I've just been hurt soooo much that I can't bear to loose him!" So you decide to treat him like a dog? Please. If you can't trust him enough to interact with the opposite sex, then you shouldn't be with him. Yes, you are being abusive. If every day is a constant fight against the nonexistent "other woman", then that's a problem with your own insecurity. That's a sign that maybe, you don't need a relationship right now. What is any relationship without trust? Dead. So what's the point?
Think of this, whenever you go crazy on your boyfriend's female friends, you're killing a friendship. She told me that I wasn't allowed to call him my brother. She told me she didn't want me speaking to him. She said she'd fight me. In my mind I remember thinking "This witch is insane with insecurity." He has been my friend for over a decade. I have LITERALLY known this guy for half of my life, and because of her, that friendship was strained to the point that I didn't even know if he cared about any of his friends anymore. He acted as if he didn't know one of our friends. He cut us off for her. We wondered if we would ever get to see him again.
When I finally got to see him, he apologized. He said he had to it for his girlfriend, and their new baby girl. He said he tried breaking up with her, but she wouldn't let him. That's not okay. Ladies, you may think you're "protecting what's yours", but all you're doing is playing with someone's life. If you are so insecure that you feel as if you have to force your man to cut everyone off, then you don't need a relationship. You need to learn how to be alone. I would much rather be single, than be the reason why someone's friendship is shattered.
Trust issues aren't attractive. They don't make people want to take care of you. They make people think you're out of your mind. Stop glorifying "crazy girlfriend". It's not okay to be abusive. It's not okay to force someone to change who they interact with. It's not okay to yell at your SO because he wasn't home on time. It's not okay to constantly question who that girl is. If you're so worried about losing him, how about you love him?
