When I was younger I always dreamed of how my life would be. I always thought I would grow up and go to college to become a doctor and then I would graduate, get married and start having babies. To be more specific, I wanted to be rich and happily married with two kids by the age of twenty five, I wanted a big house with a big yard; I even planned out what state I wanted to live in. Of course, when you're young it's all fantasy; you don't think about what college you're going to go to or how hard it will be, you just know you have all these big plans.

Now, here I sit as a 20-year-old junior in college, laughing at my past self for wanting to be settled down by twenty five. As I have gotten older, I have come to realize that my views and priorities have shifted quite a bit since I was a kid. I no longer want the big house and the rich husband or the two kids. I was always surrounded by people whose main goal in life was to get married and have children, so naturally I felt pressured to want the same thing as all my friends. I think I knew deep down that that wasn't really what I wanted, but at the time it seemed like that was what I had to do in order to consider myself successful. I have seen people say that they don't want kids until after they have "lived a full life" or gotten to the point of success in their chosen careers. That's not why I don't want kids, it is not because I just want to wait longer than I anticipated or that I want to have a good job first. It's simply because I don't want kids, period. Don't get me wrong, I want to be successful, I just view success in a different way now.

I consider myself a fairly low maintenance person. I don't expect very much from other people and my standards aren't all that high. I like simple things. I like to travel and I want to do more of it when I am finished with college. I like to do things on my own time, my brain works a mile a minute so I really never know what I'm going to do next. That's not the kind of thing a child needs. A child needs stability and love and patience. If it came down to it, I could give a child that if need be, but I don't want to do that. I know that sounds horrifically selfish, but that's what it is. Maybe you could blame it on my self-proclaimed "commitment issues" or any number of things really, but when I look at my future I don't see a big house or a husband or children anymore, I just see me. To some that may sound lonely, but I do best when I am alone.

I used to think that I needed other people to make me feel whole. I thought that if I surrounded myself with enough people that loved me, and even ones that didn't, I would be complete. I figured the best way to do that was to get married and have children. Turns out, that's not actually true. I don't need children to feel whole. I don't need a husband to feel whole. You know that saying, "you can't love someone unless you love yourself first"? That's sort of what I'm trying to get at here, although I don't believe that phrase is completely true. I think that in order to love someone else properly, you have to have some level of self love and respect. You have to find a certain balance within yourself in order to properly care for other people. I'm still working on finding this.

Sometimes I feel guilty. I feel guilty because I know how much my dad loves children and how much he probably wants grandchildren and that I am his only hope for that. I feel guilty when people try to push their views on me and they act like I am an abomination because I am a woman who doesn't want to put her uterus to good use. Whenever that happens though, I have to remind myself that I don't owe them anything. What I do with my body is my own business. Other times I feel guilty because I am incredibly motherly, I'm one of the most "mama bear" type people I know. I care a lot about people and their wellbeing. I like to take care of my friends and my family. This is why I have lost count of the number of times I have been told I would make a good mom. But I don't want to be one. Most of my friends want children though, so I have graciously accepted my role as the fun aunt.

So, in conclusion, have kids if you want or don't, that's your call. But my call is to not have them because I don't want to and I am not in the business of doing things I don't want to do. I want to travel and experience things and live my life without the weight of being responsible for another human life. Besides, I can barely take care of myself most of the time. I don't fit the idea of a domestic housewife, that's not who I am and it's not who I want to be. So, to whoever reading this, I want you to know that it is okay to not want kids. Just because you were born doesn't mean you owe the world a child in return. You have the right to do or not do what you want with your body. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.