I hate making mistakes, and I hate hurting people. Unfortunately and unintentionally, I do both quite a bit. I have quite the temper, and I lash out at my family and my boyfriend, saying things that I don't mean. Sometimes I take jokes too far, and end up sending the wrong message. I have accidentally made friends feel pressured to do things just because I do these things. I've been horrible about submitting articles in time for the deadline, and sometimes as an RA, I forget to hang up name tags or create my bulletin boards on time. I am far from perfect.
It is still a struggle, accepting the fact that perfection doesn't exist. I am not perfect. I try to repeat that to myself in times of stress, when my guilt gets the best of me. I beat myself up for the sheer fact that I am not perfect.
But here's the dirty little secret that I've discovered: No one is. We are all imperfect. We make mistakes, and at times we do really dumb things that hurt others, and hurt ourselves. We speak without thinking, we bend and break the rules, and we forget our little responsibilities. And that's all okay, as long as we keep trying.
We don't have to be perfect, but we have to own up to that. Rather than denying responsibility for our mistakes and bad decisions, we need to take that responsibility. Apologize, and try to make things right. Be sincere, be genuine. Offer what you can and keep trying. Perfection is a subjective concept, and in any case, it's an unrealistic one as well. Realize and admit when you are wrong and learn a lesson from those wrongs. We are imperfect, but we can still be good.
Moreover, and perhaps even more importantly, I've learned the incredible importance of forgiveness. People will wrong you in life, and hurt you and say things that are unkind. But realize that many times, these people who hurt you do regret it, and when we receive apologies and attempts to make amends, things can be alright. Just as I want to be forgiven when I know that I have done the wrong thing, I think that we need to realize how it is just as important to not hold grudges. Sometimes we can even bond over our imperfections. We all make wrong choices and mistakes, and the cliche of "don't judge somebody because they sin differently than you" holds true.
We all have room for improvement. Instead of striving for an unrealistic standard of perfection and moral righteousness, our souls will thrive once we accept that by nature, human beings are imperfect. At the end of East of Eden by John Steinbeck (an amazing novel), one character, Lee, says "And now that you don't have to be perfect, you can be good." Perfection is an incredible concept...but to strive for something so complex and this idea of complete purity is complete bull. This idealism leads to pain, insecurity, judgment, and depression. People who work only in the name of perfection cannot be good. We are all sinners, and we can't pretend otherwise. Goodness, on the other hand, comes from redemption. We can redeem ourselves through owning up to our wrongdoings, learning, and trying harder every day.
I can't say that I'm perfect, but I can say that I'm trying. Now that I don't have to be perfect, I can be good. And that in itself is a breath of fresh air.
