You didn't love me enough, and that's OK.

I wonder if you remember those nights where all I wanted to do was just cuddle. While I lay there in your favorite t-shirt and underwear and you shirtless. I wonder if you remember me telling you countless times to just hold me, but you presented the excuse that your stomach hurt. It was always something.

I wonder if you remember our first date on June 27th, where I drug you to see my favorite movie, Transformers. I remember the white lace dress that I kept taking off and on the hours before, because I wanted to look my best.

I still remember the butterflies I felt on the way to pick you up at your house. I remember as you got in the car, I played the song "Flightless Bird," and told you that was our song.

I don't remember you saying anything about me being beautiful, or how you were lucky to have me that moment. It would have been really nice to hear that. To have that feeling in my stomach even just for a second. It would of been nice to feel wanted.

I wonder if you remember times I showed up at your house with your favorite breakfast or lunch, because maybe you didn't feel good or you haven't ate all day, because your mom was at work.

I wonder if you remember those mornings I had to wake up at 4a.m, and I would quietly get dressed so I wouldn't wake you. I wonder if you remember the notes I left you to read for when you woke up. I wonder if you even kept them.

I wonder if you remember how I had work from 4am to 11am and I would come back from work and take a nap before I had to be at work again from 3 until 11 at night. I wonder if you recall how I would come home extremely exhausted just wanting to go to sleep. You had different ideas in mind, that I simply wasn't in the mood for. Instead of respecting that I just wanted to sleep you kept going on and forcing me and became mad when I said no for the 20th time.

I wonder if you remember all those times I went completely broke for you, only to realize you would never return the favor.

I wonder if you remember the nights you told me you were going to sleep only for you to give all of your attention to another female, while I stayed up all night worrying you weren't telling me the truth.

I still find myself looking for answers to explain how selfish you are, or how you couldn't even give me the time of day even when I begged you.

I wonder if you truly see why I closed the book that we wrote together. I wonder if you feel sad because I'm no there anymore or because you finally see what you once had and that you took it for granted.

I wonder if you cared how hard it was to let go of you simply because I cared way too much. If you told me to jump, I jumped. If I expected you to swim the ocean for me, you wouldn't. Because in all reality you just didn't love me enough or at all. You just didn't admire the way my nose crinkled up when I laughed the way I did yours.

You didn't love me enough to realize everything I did for you, and now you don't have it there anymore you are in shock.

Thank you for showing me that there is someone better. For showing me that there is someone out there that will put my needs before his own. He will notice and love the things about me that you never cared to pay attention too. This man will show me why it never worked out with anybody else.

Thank you for the experience and false hope. Because of you I can be myself again and love with everything I got to someone who will give back just as equally as much.

I do want to tell you: I forgive you, and I know it can be so scary to let someone in. However, I pity you for letting someone go who would cross an entire mountain range for you.

I just pray that the next time you fall in love, that you respect, love and cherish her with everything you got and with everything that you didn't give me.

Lastly I want you to believe in yourself and how you are going to go on and accomplish great things in your life. You are going to give a great girl all the things you couldn't give me. You are going to take someone's heart away the way you took mine on a afternoon in may.

Its okay that we didn't grow old together, because God has a way better plan for us then we have ever imagined. I will always be grateful for you.

Thank you for not love me enough.

Sincerely,

Kaylen Nicole