“It’s a shame how hard you are on yourself. You treat others with more love than you treat you. You deserve to be celebrated too”

I had said in my last article that: “I learned to let go of the people in my life who made no effort to be in mine, while I went above and beyond to be in theirs. I let go of the people who walked away, even when everything inside of me wanted them to stay.

I vowed to give up on reaching out to people who never reached out to me. I vowed to stop buying birthday presents or pizzas or “this made me think of you” gifts for the people who never even bother to say thank you.

I vowed stopped asking how school or sports are going or saying good luck this year/on finals/on midterms/etc. to those who were never and would never be the first to say it to me.

I’m that kind of person who will say I’m going to do this thing that is emotionally difficult but in the end will help me and then I won’t ever do it. I am afraid of change, yes. But even more so, I am afraid of loss.

I have so many relationships with people I grew up with or played basketball with that stay standing simply because I spend so much time and energy and effort holding it up with those birthday presents or pizzas or “this made me think of you” gifts . I was talking about, or by asking how school or how sports are going or saying good luck this year/good luck on finals/good luck on midterms, etc.

Lets put this in perspective: If I were to stop buying random gifts out of the blue for these said people, and stop checking in on them so often or trying to make it to their sports games or stop letting them know they’re on my mind, I would never hear from them again.

Most of these people, not all, but most don’t care about me the way I care about them. And you know what, that’s okay. I understand that it’s hard to care about or think about someone so much when you both are living two completely different, separate, lives miles and miles away and you no longer see each other every single day like you did in high school, or wherever it was you met.

But as much as it may hurt to lose these people once I slowly let them go, the fact of the matter is that they’re already gone. They have removed themselves from my life – they already let me go.

I will never give up on these people. Ever. I will still be there for them and check in on them, but I will no longer let them take up so much space and weight in my mind when I don’t even enter theirs. I have many other relationships that need to be worked on and prioritize. I have so many other relationships that are worth the time and effort and energy because I get back just as much as I put in.

I am not trying to sound petty - really I’m not. But I am worth so much more. I am worth being loved and cared about in a genuine manner. I am worth a text back or a thank you. I am worth being on the receiving end of the “I hope you’re doing well” or “I miss you” or “I’m thinking about you” or “I’m always here for you” messages that I always send out.

I have this hope that if I stop showing more love to everyone else than I show to myself, I will take the love and care that is already inside my heart and choose to give it to me, rather than throw it around to the other people in my life that I think might need it. Because you what? I need it too. And at this point in my life, I need it more.

So, cheers to letting go and here’s to new beginnings full of self-discovery and self-love.