“I wish I could be in two places at once.” Have you ever heard someone say that? Well, if you’ve ever been around me for more than an hour or so, then chances are, you’ve heard it from me more than once. I say this phrase more than I’d like to admit. I don’t say it because there are a million places that I want to be, but because there are a million places that I feel like I have to be.

I am a person who cares about the bare minimum of things in life. You may think that that is a bad thing or a good thing, but it is the absolute, most honest truth. I don’t care. However, for as much as I don’t care, I am also that much of a person who has the tremendous need to please everyone around me. A “people pleaser” who doesn’t care. That’s something, isn’t it?

I feel like it’s an oxymoron within itself, but it’s the best way that I can describe me and my life. And, if that’s at all confusing for you, then imagine what it’s like for me and people like me. Let’s be real here. We all know you’re not as calm, cool, and collected as you pretend to be or say that you are on Facebook. We all “people please” or don’t care just as much as the others.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m the farthest thing from a pushover, nor do I not care to the point where I’m reckless. In all honestly, I, like so many others, just have a hard time. I have a hard time being everywhere that I need to be for the people in my life who need it. I have a hard time understanding exactly what it is that people want from me. I have a hard time pleasing everyone in my life who needs something from me.

I can’t write this article and not recognize the fact that the most important people in my life understand how much of a non-caring “people pleaser” I am. But I don’t think they’ll ever understand that they either contributed to how much I don’t care or how much I feel like I need to please all of those around me.

My need of “people pleasing” has stemmed from those in my life who have been actually been there and have been good to me. I’m talking about the ones who have laughed, cried, and been there for all the of the in-between. My constant being there for them is my form of payment to them for all that they’ve done for me. I’ll never complain about that, ever. And I will continue to be there at the drop of a hat.

However, the real problem comes from those who I have encountered that have caused me to not care at all. I don’t need someone to play a sad song on a violin for me, but there have been people in my life who have pushed me to this point. They’ve pushed me to this point by not acknowledging how much I have cared and tried. They’ve pushed me to this point by failing to understand that I’m not a mind reader, and I don’t always know what they want or expect from me. They’ve pushed me to this point by not acknowledging the fact that I can’t always be there, no matter how much I have tried. They’ve pushed me to this point by not acknowledging the fact that maybe, I’m not what or who they need to fix whatever needs fixing.

I’m a firm believer that everyone in your life and everything that has happened to you is meant to teach you some kind of lesson about life or about yourself. And what these people have taught me about myself is this: I can’t be there for everyone all the time, especially those who have not done the same for me, but I’ll still try to be. Even though I am a person who absolutely means it when they say that they don’t care, I am also a person who doesn’t want to ever see anyone feel the same disappointment in people as I have. I’ll continue to be the bigger person, even if you won’t.