"To think you can love God without being changed by Him, is to think you can jump into the ocean and not get wet. To really love Him, you must understand that your life is going to be wrecked by Him, and built again into something beautiful, something lasting." - T.B. LaBergeI'm not an avid church-goer, I'm not Saint-like, but I can honestly say that I love God. For a while, I started to question him. I sat here and really thought about how and why He would take my dad, my hero, my best friend... away from me. There are days when I still sit here and question, "why?" But then I realize that I'm not the only person this has happened too. God takes people away all the time. He takes them whether they're old, young, healthy, sick. No one is spared. Damn, I have way too many friends who've lost a parent... just like me... whose lives were wrecked... just like mine. I still haven't found the answer to "why," but what I have found is that: God only takes the best of the best. My dad was hands-down the most genuine, caring, patient, wisest man I've ever known. I will never "get over" his passing and some days I think I won't be able to live with it either. However, if there's one thing my Dad taught me about that really stuck in my head, it's strength. He always made it a point to remind me that being strong doesn't mean being unbreakable and that's something I remind myself every day. I will never be the same again, nor do I want, nor should I want to be. This has been the most eye-opening experience of my life. It's not something I can forget about or something I can pretend never happened. However, it's written in the bible that, "the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing to the glory about to be revealed to us" [Romans 8:18]. I trust that God and my new guardian angel will help me make sense of this at some point. Until then, I'll keep searching for signs that my dad's up there making sure I'm OK and that God is working on my "something beautiful."
Every day is different when you experience loss. One day you'll be OK, the next day it's the total opposite and you barely want to get out of bed. The mixture of emotions is totally normal. It's OK to be angry, it's OK to be sad, but most of all it's OK to want to be left alone. What people don't realize is sometimes having 50 million people asking "what's wrong?" or "how are you today?" makes matter worse. It's OK not to be OK. It's OK to take time for yourself. It's OK to shut people out every once in a while, just don't make a habit of it. Eventually you'll make peace with what has happened. You'll never fully understand why, you'll never get over it, but you will find some sense of clarity that will help you carry on.
