If you can’t have me today, would you want me tomorrow?
If I can’t help you today, would you help me tomorrow?
If I can’t love you today, would you love me tomorrow?
If I’m not in your life today, am I in your life at all?
These questions pertain to friends and lovers alike, the true version of either will say yes without giving it a second thought, and the "falsies" (as I like to call them) are hesitant and smile. So how do you know who is who?
Taking it past the surface level, six feet deep, what is the value of a true relationship between one person and another?
Lately, my minds been on the future and the people that will join me there. With major life events always happening, in my case graduating from high school and moving to a new town 45 minutes away, it’s hard for me not to wonder who’s going to be a constant factor in my life. Am I important enough in someone else’s life for them to make a 45 minute drive, or talk to me outside of the comfort of desk chairs and fluorescent lights? Are you?
But I know this fear surpasses just me and the graduating class of 2016. It’s something that lingers in everyone’s mind from time to time, whether you'll be a stay-at-home mom whose main priority is taking care of your little human beings, an overworked anything just trying to reach the top, a freshman in college traveling 500 miles away from home, the ambitious actor on their way to the land of dreams, a kid whose parent gets deployed somewhere new every other week (a bit of an exaggeration but you know what I mean), whatever it is—we all have friends that we are susceptible to losing.
Doesn’t that thought alone scare you? It scares me. It’s also an irrational fear.
I think the friends you have a chance of losing are not friends at all.
The idea of “If you can’t have me today, would you want me tomorrow,” asks the question if I am not relevant to you right now, am I relevant to you at all? Unfortunately for some relationships this is true, whether both parties realize it or not, some relationships are pure fun. That is OK. But what happens when it comes to the deeper ones? The relationships you give everything to?
I know there’s a list of people I can’t imagine not being in my life. People I’d give everything for.
Some of those people are old friends from Lebanon, Ohio. The place I called home before my first big move. Even after five years, I still hear from a few every now and then. I consider that a true friend.
If you don’t keep in contact with them are you of any value to them? I am very guilty when it comes to this question. Anyone who knows me knows I have a hard time keeping in contact when it comes to answering phone calls or text. But this isn’t because I don’t care for my friends. I am just someone who would rather see you in person. However, contact is key. If you aren’t keeping up with people and seeing how they are doing how are they supposed to know where you stand?
Not being in high school will be a good test to see who truly wants you around at any stage in their life. I’ve heard that the most friends you’ll have in all your life is when you’re in school and I don’t have a doubt that it’s true. Without the glue and structure of high school to force everyone together, keeping in contact will be much more difficult than people realize. I think it forces the question of who is actually important in your life.
Who do you want to know when you are 35, 55 or 100 years old (assuming you survive this cruel and crazy world)?
Pausing on the topic of friends, this idea relates equally to lovers, if not more. There is such an expectation for people when they become romantic. But the only true difference between a lover and a friend is when things become intimate (not to sell it short, it’s still a big difference).
That’s actually where this entire idea originated in my mind was because of a potential lover in my life. At the time I wasn’t ready to jump into the mix of love I had other things to focus on, so the questions became if you can’t have me today, would you want me tomorrow? In my head I was asking do you really want me for me or because you are lonely. That answer became clear later on.
This question could be crucial in a relationship of any kind. It lets you know if the person wants you for you or for their own entertainment. If you are good for the moment or staying long term.
It’s like Shrek saying to Donkey “OK you helped me fight the dragon, now on your way.” Which he probably did but those were his onion layers talking. Instead they became best friends to survive through several sequals.
Whatever relationship you’re in, whoever you’re in it with, let them know how valued your relationship is. Even if it’s just for fun. Make sure everyone is in agreement that it is purely what it is. For my final question I want to know: if you can’t have me today, would you want me tomorrow?
