We are all unique individuals. There is not one human on this earth that thinks in the exact same manner as you. The words you say and the actions you perform are exclusively your responsibility and represent who you are. You are your own virtue. Just as a ceramicist molds clay into a piece of art, your detailed responses to the abundant interactions this world will place in front of you all individually define your collective character.
Therefore, above all else, make yourself proud. On no occasion may you act on the sole platform of, “this choice will make (him or her or them) happy.” There is indescribable danger in this mentality.
Sophomore year of high school, I had a friend who called the shots, and I followed. Where we went, what we did, and which people we hung out with – all were of her choice. And if she needed me, I felt I had obligation to be there for her, no matter what else might have been going on in my life outside of our friendship. And sure, it felt incredibly satisfying to know that my support was helping her shine. But I gave, and I gave, and I gave, until I was exhausted. I vividly remember my own mother coming in my room on a school night as I hovered over my schoolwork. Pulling me away from my desk and cradling my tired face in her warm hands, she knew something had to stop – I was spreading myself far too thin and was far from myself.
When you’re in the thick of a conflict, your blinders are on. The bigger picture is invisible, and if you’re someone like me, it is next to impossible to trust in other’s advice. You think, before anything else, I must take care of someone I love who is in need. But now, on the outside looking in, that is far from the case. You cannot pour from an empty cup, and this is a fact.
Fill your cup. Do your thing, and do it well. Because full or empty, you must take full ownership of your actions, and their repercussions. You do not get to make the excuse, “I’m not happy, but at least (him or her or they) are.” In this statement, where is your character? And what qualities of character do those you’ve helped embody, to use you until your drained, and only ask for more, with smiling faces?
From personal experience, I know how hard it is to create boundaries between your happiness and the happiness of others. First, you must believe it is okay to say no, and secondly, learn to not feel guilty about it. And from this alone, you’ll probably grow half an inch taller. Your ambitions will have substance and fire, because their origin is you. And nothing is more attractive than authenticity and self-assuredness. And I guarantee, people will feed off of that energy. Take responsibility, build yourself up, and you’ll be shocked by how many good things knock on your front door because of it.
