We've all experienced heartbreak in one way or another. Sometimes, this can happen after the end of a long relationship; you may even be hesitant to date again for a while. But other times, this heartbreak comes out of a relationship that wasn't even defined in the first place.
It's in that gray area between friendship and dating that you were too timid or unsure to go forward with. At the time, everything seemed to be going great. You would talk every day and enjoy the person's perspective while appreciating their insightful responses to your own. When you found time to meet up, it was awkward but fun. You laughed and smiled a lot, and you thought things would naturally keep progressing.
All of a sudden, it stopped.
Out of nowhere, the texts stopped. They started ignoring your posts on social media, when before, they would like every status you posted (even the cheesy pet videos that made you laugh so hard, you cried). They didn't initiate conversation like they used to, and when you texted "Hey, how's it going?" the response was polite but distanced.
You start to wonder what went wrong. What did you do? What did you say? Were you clingy? Did you show enough interest? You think of all the times you've had to back away from other people - what were the warning signs you saw? As you analyze all of your conversations, you realize that it's not adding up. There were no signs. You start to go through a checklist: you weren't clingy, you talked to them about their interests and activities, you were there for them after a bad day, you weren't rude...your mind reels with possibilities but everything is coming back with a negative result.
You try texting him once every week or so just to check in. Then it becomes once every three weeks. Then you stop. He doesn't tell you happy birthday, he doesn't ask how your family is doing. He stops talking, and it's clear that he just stops caring.
In a world that promotes individualism and a "fight your way to the top" approach to everything, we criticize ourselves when things like this happen. But in many cases, it isn't our fault at all. As much as we tell ourselves this, there's still that nagging feeling that we weren't enough. We weren't pretty enough, we weren't interesting enough, we weren't flirty enough, we just weren't enough for him. That is one of the biggest lies that we believe about ourselves, and we need to understand that it's just that: a big, fat lie.
You are enough. You are kind, you are smart, you are lovely, and you are wonderful just the way you are. Sure, we are all growing in different ways, but that doesn't mean you aren't worthy of affection. You are not a placeholder in this world - you are a shining star; not just a comma, but an entire classic book.
That guy will go on to pursue other girls - maybe even some of your friends, as much as you never believed that he would do that. I want you to know that these actions are entirely on him. His immaturity reflects his own heart and insecurities, and you have too much to offer to get stuck with that. After a while, you'll see why this was actually a great thing. That door closed because other doors were far more important: doors in school, friendships, internships, jobs, hobbies, and other opportunities where you continue to grow into the young woman you are, and who you are becoming.
As confusing and hurtful it may be, you will realize that you are worth more than this foolish behavior. The last thing you need is a guy who hops from girl to girl like Frogger. (He will eventually get squashed.) You deserve a man who will appreciate you, care for you, and work to grow alongside you. Until that man comes into your life and proves that he will cherish your heart, remember who you are and what you are worth. You are nobody's backup, and don't ever let anyone convince you otherwise.
