We Are Not The Same

I've always loved meeting new people. Forming a friendship, learning their likes & dislikes, and hanging out together. It's great to have old friends, and it's great to make new ones. However, over the past few years, something important I have learned is to not be ignorant. It doesn't matter who you are or who you meet, you will have both similarities and differences. This is something we all know. But usually, that's as far as the process gets. We say things like: "Everyone is entitled to their opinion" or "We all come from different places". However, a majority of the time, we don't think past what we are saying. There is a lot more to this.

To put it simply, we are not the same. It's important for me to realize that I am not you. But it's also important to realize that you are not me either. You will never be able to fully understand my feelings, my upbringing, or my experiences just like I will never be able to completely understand yours.

Something that has always bothered me is other's responses to something I am going through. I think something we could all agree upon is that when we are going through a personal storm or a dark place in life, the last thing we want is input from other people who do not understand. If you suffer from depression, you don't want to hear, "You should just be happy. It's your choice whether or not you're happy." If you struggle with anxiety, it is not helpful when someone says, "There's nothing to worry about. Everything is fine. You overreact too much." OR the best one of all, "You need to let it go" or "Get over it." Rarely, are these responses to our struggles even remotely helpful.

As human beings, we are designed to be able to adapt and change. That includes being able to understand and process everything around us. When we can't understand, we hit a wall or a roadblock of sorts. I think there's a whole step in the process that most of us tend to bypass: Seeking to understand. Caring about the person enough to wonder why they tick & why they do what they do. If the kindness or compassion isn't there, neither is the understanding. But oftentimes, many of us do not get to this step because we are so busy and caught up with our own lives. So I encourage you, stop & look around. Be aware.

Sometimes, the most important thing is not offering the correct words of advice. Sometimes it is simply to accept that we don't get it, we don't understand, and we can't relate. And then, seek to understand. We always say, "Imagine if you were in their shoes." And while that is true, it only takes us so far because we can only imagine what it is like for someone else, to a certain extent. The rest can only come from trying to fully understand the person. From saying, "I'd like to help. I'd like to have the right words to say. But I am not you and you are not me. Can you help me to understand better?" There is power & beauty in this.

What is also important to realize is that you have the opinions, beliefs, feelings, and perspectives that you do because of a variety of things: the person you are today, your family, your background, your upbringing, and your experiences in life. You are one of a kind. We all are. So, we should never go through this world, expecting others to understand and think the way we do. We shouldn't operate in this world in a naive manner in believing that because this is my worldview, this is how I see it, and this is what the world is to me, that's also the way it is for everyone else. No, it's not. It's simply not possible. Just because you see this world one way, it doesn't mean that that's the way it really is. It only means that's the way it is for you. Which is different for each individual. You are comprised of who you are and where & what you come from.

In the end, we are all different and variety is more interesting than monotony. So, why not make like more interesting in embracing the variety and diversity of our worldviews, instead of constricting each other to monotony and being the same? :)