We're all familiar with that old saying, "You can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family." For the next few minutes, I invite you to discard that notion entirely and examine what choices you do control when dealing with family. Truly, I think family is a choice, a measurable set of decisions that we make on a daily basis throughout all of our lives. On my mother's side, I am one of some ninety odd descendants of my great grandmother Venanzia. From her seven children and onward we have multiplied tenfold, and my many cousins, aunts, and uncles (great and otherwise) now live all over the world. It's a lot of names to keep up with, and we continue to grow larger year by year with no signs of slowing. Yet despite our swelling numbers, we make the conscious decision to come together every other summer to visit and celebrate our family lineage.

I say again, family is a choice. Everyone who makes the exodus back to upstate New York for our reunions acknowledges a harried agenda of social events and an expectation to, for at least one evening, prepare dinner for the entire host of the Vecchi clan. Having returned a week ago from the most recent installment, I can attest to the magnitude of this undertaking, as my uncle and I nearly caught ourselves on fire several times while cooking about 100 hot dogs on two very tiny charcoal grills. Immediately thereafter I found myself thrust into the position of bingo caller, and had to rely on a small karaoke machine to amplify my voice out to a seemingly endless audience. And yet I was happy to do so. Even though the time I spend with my relatives is short, I work my hardest to visit and keep company with as many as possible, not because I have to, but because I've chosen to have a relationship with each and every one of them. It is not always easy, and certainly there are disagreements and squabbles between family members, but that sort of conflict is intrinsic to all relationships.

One needn't be part of a family as large as mine to make the same sort of decisions regarding family. Oftentimes we make dozens of subconscious conclusions and decisions concerning how we interact with our kin without even realizing it. It is my hope that we all maintain awareness of this decision-making, and ultimately make the choice in favor of family. I would not claim that blood-relation is everything, but it definitely has a special weight to it and can serve to strengthen our ties to one another. The bonds we create within our families may span over several generations, and will nourish a unique and personal network of support. Evidently, when we make decisions in regards to family we do not do it lightly, and today it seems like more and more folks show little acknowledgement of traditional familial obligation.

But perhaps that is alright. Maybe there is a kernel of wisdom to be gained by focusing on the agency we possess in our dealings with family; in choosing to take active responsibility with our relations instead of assuming an autonomous bond, we may yet discover a even deeper connection than we originally thought possible. I marvel at the sort of unity all families might enjoy if people made that choice.