November 27, 2016. I was at that same location once again: day one of recovery and another fresh start to a new path to being clean from self-injury.

November 27, 2017. I was at a new location: 365 days of recovery and an entire year of freedom from self-injury.

In the past, not many of the choices I have made were primarily for me, my happiness, or my well-being. I have frequently prioritized others’ joy and feelings before my own, which led me to numerous situations that made me unhappy. However, when I left the hospital after my second visitation a year ago, I know something would have to change. I decided that the next year would be dedicated to myself, and discovering all of the ways I could remind myself to love the woman I am.

I have fallen, over and over again. I have leaned toward what I have known: hurting myself. But I decided that every time I was down, I would be getting back up. Yes, I may have gotten bruises, yet those marks were not going to be from me.

I have wanted to give up. I wanted to quit school, to quit work, to quit life. But I knew what quitting would look like, and that is not the ending I wanted for myself. I knew that breaking point was right around the corner, yet this time I was prepared to fight back.

I have made mistakes. I made decisions I was not always proud of and decided to follow paths that were not meant for me. But I learned along the way. I took many wrong turns, yet I have discovered they were simply detours pointing me in the direction I am supposed to go.

I have hurt people. I have been that tornado tearing up everything and everyone in its way. But my heart will continue giving back, and hopefully someday to each person I hurt. I may have caused pain, yet I have taken steps to heal those wounds.

I have experienced the roller coaster. I have been gripping onto the sides of the cart as I get tossed up and down. But I have recognized that life will always have those movements. I have been flipped in every direction, yet I have remembered how to center myself amidst the chaos.

So what did I learn in the past year? I discovered that through life’s most difficult trials and tribulations, I still stood up for myself. I fought back when I thought I could not, and I chose to accept the emotions that come, no matter what they be. I learned that life is still worth living.

Two years ago, if you were to have sat me down and said that I would still be alive today, I would have rolled my eyes at you. I would have never believe a word you uttered because I thought I did not have a purpose or value in life.

However, after the hospital visits, the therapy sessions, the medications, and the ongoing outpatient services, I knew and still know that I have a place in this world. Maybe I am still finding that place, but I know my home is out there.

I thought an incredible feat had occurred when I reached 365 days without self-harm, but I want everyone to know that a day, an hour, or even a minute without self-injury is a victory within itself. You are not thinking about harming the lovely human within, but you are fighting for that beautiful soul simply by living. We often lessen the greatness that we each possess, but let’s not forget how incredible we are to wake up each morning as a part of something larger than all of us.

I may be personally celebrating a victory that I aspired to attain over a year, but we all have something to celebrate each day, and that is living. I am self-harm free, but that does not mean I will not face difficulties. I am self-injury free, but that does not mean I will not face temptations. I am a human, learning to love herself more each day. Following the path that allows me to discover myself, and all the quirks attached, is why I reached that aspiration.

I have never been prouder of myself, and am looking forward to the next year for the same celebration.

November 27, 2018. I will be reaching another new location: two years free of self-injury. And many years to come.