Caution: Trigger Warning
Michael Jordan once said, "obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it." This year has, by far, been the most challenging yet most rewarding year of my life, and here's why.
When I graduated from college two years ago, I had a job lined up and was really happy with where my life was heading. I was exercising regularly, working full time, and just enjoying life. Everything changed when I had a panic attack that set me into a downward spiral that eventually led to me being hospitalized.
I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression and was put on medication to help with my symptoms. Some medications worked, and others didn't. One, in particular, caused me to have a psychotic episode where I even cut myself. I was taken to the hospital and spent two weeks there on heavy duty medication while the nurses worked on stabilizing me.
In the hospital, I had another episode and was put on an even stronger medication which caused me to sleep for most of my stay. I wasn't eating, so I was put on protein shakes as a supplement. While in the hospital, I met some of the most kind-hearted and genuine people I've ever met. One of the sweetest ladies was a heroin addict and she became "the mom" of the residents on the ward. She would always greet everyone with a smile and a huge hug and was a great listener.
While I was in the hospital, I spent the majority of my time sleeping. When I wasn't sleeping, I read, colored and talked to other people. I learned so much about the other patients and I opened up about my own experiences. One of the hardest parts of being in the hospital was how I wasn't allowed to bring many personal belongings with me. I had a few pairs of pajamas, my favorite teddy bear, toiletries and a Harry Potter book. Even though I had so few things, I managed to keep myself occupied.
Another hard part about being in the hospital, was that visiting hours were limited to one hour a day. Fortunately, my mom, dad and brother came every day and brought me something yummy to eat, as well as a board game to play. I cherished the time I got to spend with them and it was so nice to see them, even if it was only for a short period of time.
Eventually, my mood stabilized and I got to leave the hospital. I began a partial hospitalization program where I learned techniques to combat my anxiety and alleviate feelings of stress. We attended sessions throughout the day on a variety of topics, but my favorite activities were the art therapy and pet therapy sessions. I met some really interesting people during the program and learned a lot from them as well.
After about three weeks of the partial hospitalization program, I got discharged and entered a day program called Ascend. In this four month program, I bonded with the other members of the group, and participated in a wide variety of therapies including art, writing, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) and life skills. While in the program, I was still on some pretty heavy duty medications so it made talking to people feel more like a chore than anything else.
Once my four months were up, I graduated the program with a toolbox full of skills to use for when I get stressed or overwhelmed. After the program ended, I started an art group with a different set of girls. Currently, I still attend that art group once a week and still have a great time bonding with the other girls in the group. We talk about how we are doing and offer help to one another when we are struggling. As part of the group, we get a prompt each week and are supposed to create an imaged based on it. Then, we spend the last half an hour going over what we created. I find the group to be very therapeutic and helpful. I am able to open up about things that are bothering me and I know I have the full support of the other members of the group.
Currently, I have a new job, and am in the process of applying to grad schools. I've learned coping mechanisms and know when to take breaks when times get hard. This year has taught me the value of patience and affirmed my attitude of optimism. I am currently in the process of getting off of the heavy medication that I was put on while in the hospital.
This road hasn't been easy, but I can assure you that it has been worth it. In the past year, I've learned just how strong I am and have discovered how resilient I can be when things don't necessarily go my way. I've become a stronger, more capable individual and have been able to look at life with a more "glass half full" type of attitude. I'm a self proclaimed optimist, and this year has shown me that not all days are bright or are going to live up to our expectations. This year, I've been reminded of the blessings of family and friendship. I've found who my true friends are and have let go of toxic relationships. I've surrounded myself with the best possible support system and I know know I can turn to them when I'm struggling.
Most importantly, this year has shown me the type of person who I am: an optimistic individual who lets nothing stand in her way and takes hardship with stride. Even though this year has been one of the most challenging and unpredictable years of my life, it has also been one of the best. I've come out on the other side a stronger, more determined individual and I wouldn't trade that for anything.
If you are struggling with mental illness, seek the help you deserve. Someone is always there to listen. Remember that you are not alone and that you are enough, just the way that you are. Find a support system, lean on them when you're going through rough times, and know that they will help to lift you up when you fall. You are never alone. Seek help, talk to someone, and know when to ask for help. It is always there. I assure you it is.
