It wasn't long ago that I wish I'd died
That the pain was just too much I just couldn't last.
I prayed for the treatment that would magically cure the spread.
Only to realize that none of them would heal you.

Chemo might have given me more time,
But I didn't want to go about the rest of my life like that.
Because when people stop doing the things they lived for in the first place,
They only get sicker.

No one knows the energy I expend
Just to function.
I'm sorry just rings hollow.

I know the end is soon, and I've been making some calls.
The grudges, the beef, the pettiness that I held onto for so long
None of that shit matters.

I was lost.
Now I'm found.
They say that suffering reorganizes priorities,
And I wish I learned sooner that it's more important to be with people you love than to be at work all night.
I wish I learned that you only realize that God exists when you realize how much you need a God.

I once heard the line that it doesn't matter if it's a lie.
If you have nothing else, you have to fight on the lie.
You went to war with the devil. You're in it.
Now you have to fight.

But I want to fight as much as I want to give in.
And now I know it's better to have a meaningless purpose than none at all.
It's okay to be wrong, as long as you're wrong for the right reasons.

I pray that it finally works out.