At 19 years old, I’ve learned quite a bit about love. I’ve yet to find one who makes my heart flutter when I hear his name, but I have had my fair share of lessons… From the wrong guys.
The wrong boy taught me you can’t make someone love you. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out why he wasn’t interested--why he just didn’t see that I was a great person he should be lucky to be with. I learned, the hard way, that some people aren’t meant to be together. It just doesn’t match up. And it took me even longer to realize this wasn’t my fault. I did nothing wrong. He just wasn’t interested. I tried so hard to get someone to care for me when it was so obvious we didn’t belong together.
The wrong boy taught me you should never date someone out of pity. You should never, EVER date someone because you feel obligated. I did this and it was the worst I have ever felt about myself. I wasn’t happy. I was angry all the time because I felt like I was giving something up. The end result never turns out well.
The wrong boy taught me people change. It’s true. I know it sounds like some really stupid cheesy breakup excuse, but people really do change. Who you started dating / talking to may not be the person you’re with 6 months later. Most young adults are still finding themselves so people change and asking them to change back is something that can’t be done.
The wrong boy taught me just because you break up doesn’t mean they’re a terrible person. Sometimes people go their separate ways. Feelings just aren’t there anymore. That’s okay. If they are honest about it, they didn’t do anything wrong. So before you go shaming your ex to your friends, family, or drunkenly at a bar to randoms, ask yourself if they really did you wrong or if they did you a favor by telling you the truth.
The wrong boy taught me waiting for them to come around doesn’t work. I know you are so very confident that he secretly loves you and in however many months / years he will confess his undying love to you, but that stuff is really just in movies. If he is interested, he will show you. Let me repeat this to make sure you understand--and to remind myself--IF HE IS INTERESTED, HE WILL SHOW YOU. Boys don’t wait around like girls do. They make their intentions known. Move on before you’re terminally stuck in the friend zone.
The wrong boy taught me you shouldn’t trust everyone. Ask yourself if he is deserving of your love. Just because you aren’t texting other guys, sending flirty messages, or dressing up for that really cute guy who sits beside you in class, doesn’t me he is as committed as you. Sometimes boys suck (girls suck too so if you’re this girl then take the hint.) Don’t be a trusting person without proof that they are trustworthy.
The wrong boy taught me trying to be their best friend really, really sucks. If you can handle the transition from girlfriend to best friend, by all means go for it. But sometimes hearing about their latest fling or that really pretty girl they saw somewhere kind of makes you want to curl up in a ball and cry. Make sure you’re completely over him before you start sharing stories of recent hookups.
The wrong boy taught me there’s a big difference between love and need. “I love you” means “I care for you. I want your happiness more than I want my own.” … “I need you” means “I crave your attention. I desire your will to love me.” This is not the same thing. Love is to care and need is to covet.
If the wrong guys have taught me all this about love, what will the right one teach me? Each lesson is leading me to ‘the right one’. God is paving the way for me to figure out what love is. Be patient. The love of your life may not be a prince. You may not meet him tomorrow. But every wrong relationship is leading you to the right one.
