I have always loved writing since the day I could write. I grew up writing plays with my sister and cousin, adding on to the traditional story of Cinderella. We would sit there for hours and write about anything our imagination brought us, not caring how crazy it sounded or if anyone would care about what we were writing. But now, as I am older and more aware of my surroundings, I have a fear that others will read the stories I have written and not understand or they will think there is no direction.

There is one particular writing I am thinking of, and it has a lot of my emotions poured into it. But then I will worry that those who can encode what the messages behind the select passages that carry the deepest of emotions will begin to worry about me. The funny thing will be that I have dealt with these emotions and am free from whatever mess they brought to me. Yes, I write from experience but not the exact experiences that I write about. But the feelings in the writings are true and can easily bring me back to the time when I wrote it. I have two stories written out, one short and one that is much longer, covering emotions of over a year long. The short story was written in a difficult part of my life where my depression was seen as winning and I was drowning. And many will say, why didn't you go and talk to your parents? At the point where I was, talking to my parents or even friends was so far away from what I wanted to do. So instead, I wrote about it late at night, where I just let it all out. I cried on the keyboard as I typed til my body could no longer acknowledge what it was doing.

And now, I go back and read that short story and think, "wow I was in a dark place but I have overcome that and am finally in a better place. I have tried the therapy sessions and if I sat there and lied saying I was fine, then I was fine in everyone else's minds and that's all I wanted everyone to believe. I would include excerpts from that writing in here but would rather not go back to that night. Writing for me became that voice. It allowed me to speak my mind and say what was going on without getting others involved or making others worry about me. Writing became my comfort zone, it still very much is my comfort zone. When I write on here, I feel nothing but comfort and desire to just let myself go and write about whatever is bothering me or wants to be heard. Life is crazy like that where you feel trapped until you find your outlet. Writing is my outlet. It always has been and will continue to be my outlet. It is a lot cheaper and more reliable than therapy. I don't feel like if I say the wrong thing, that I will be told I need more professional help or that I should really talk about my feelings. Writing gives me all of what I need to express my emotions and laugh about it later on when the time has healed me.