We all know it well. It's the constipation of the mind. Writer's block. God, what frustration. You have everything laid out before you: the blank page, the freshly air-compressor-cleaned keyboard, the bounties of your young and imaginative mind...
And yet, with all these experiences you've been logging away, nothing comes. Nothing. Comes.
Many writers claim to have the solution for writer's block. You've heard it all. Go for a walk, listen to some music, re-open some old material, change the genders of your characters, why not. None of these methods have worked for you, though. Wouldn't it be more time effective to create a list of what doesn't work, so you don't waste your time trying this and that?
Oh, look here.
A Semi-Definitive List of Methods That Will Not Solve Your Writer's Block
1. When starting your novel, don't just "write what you know."
This is a phrase dealt out ferociously by English professors: "Write what you know! Write from your own experiences!" While such writing can be rewarding, even cathartic, there is also value in writing exactly what you do not know. Besides, you're like 20-something, right? At this point, there's so much more material in what you don't know than in what you do know.
(Unless you've seen some shit. Then, by all means, write from experience.)
2. When starting your screenplay, do not, for heaven's sake, look towards the "greats." Under no circumstances should you ever watch a Christopher Nolan movie when looking for inspiration for your amateur film project. If you do, you'll most likely find yourself thinking, why did I do this to myself? Who do I even think I am? And that train of thought is gonna coast right past the typical writer's insecurity toward a full-blown identity crisis.
Rage, rage, against the dying of that multi-million dollar idea that you--oh wait, that you never had...mm. Bummer.
3. When starting some new song lyrics, for God's sake, do not, I repeat, do not listen to "White Blank Page" by Mumford and Sons for inspiration. (No matter how appropriate the title may be.) Really, stay away from all their beautifully written songs. You'll just hate yourself for not being able to write lyrics that are both emotive and original. Just stay away from your favorite folk artists in general.
And in the hollows of your mind where your imagination used to be.
4. When starting your next musical, don't just fall back on the "formula." We're all familiar with it: Hugh Jackman busts in on a horse to sing the song that establishes setting, someone has a dream, the lovers meet and are shortly after cock-blocked, and then there's one big group number where everybody dances.
Been there, done that. If you aren't sure where to start, that's okay. Just don't use that excuse to recreate The Sound of Music. R&H already have those bases covered. Haven't you seen The King and I? Yeah, same musical. Think about it.
5. When starting your next Odyssey article, don't just stare at your computer screen for hours hoping some topic will dawn on you that is both witty and relatable to a wide readership. You probably shouldn't have waited so long to write this damn article. Now, you might as well write about exactly what's plaguing you: writer's block. But you'll try to put a fresh spin on things by writing about what doesn't solve writer's block instead of actually helping people find new methods of inspiration. Easy enough.
Moral of the story? Writer's block is different for everyone. Find what works best for you, whether it's accepting your fate and taking a break, or scavenging for inspiration and pressing forward.
Happy writing, folks.
