As someone who is very vocal about my asexuality, I sometimes get people asking me just why I choose to be as vocal as I am.
"Shouldn't sex life and sex drive be private?"
"Who cares if you don't want to have sex?"
These are just a couple of questions that I've heard on occasion from people around me, and honestly, I understand where people who ask these things are coming from. It seems like a weird thing, to just talk about wanting to have sex (or, in my case, not) or finding someone sexually attractive (or again, not). But for me, it's more than just talking about my life, talking about my orientation.
It's about bringing asexuality, an orientation that's largely been in the shadows, into the spotlight.
When I write about asexuality, I use my experience, largely because that's what I know. Sure, it doesn't apply universally. I'm not trying to get it to. However, at this stage in learning about asexuality, I just want other people, questioning their orientation, to know that they're not alone.
Questioning your sexuality is difficult, especially with as little representation as there is, and finding someone who feels even similar to you is an amazing thing.
Back in middle and high school, when I was questioning my sexuality, I labeled myself as bisexual, simply because I was equally disinterested in both sexes and I couldn't find a label that was better. I just didn't know.
It took me forever to use the word "asexuality" to describe who, or what, I was. My godsend was the Tumblr blogs who made little posts, the Thought Catalog articles that talked about it, because finally, after so long, I figured out that there was nothing wrong with me.
I knew, for certain, that I am not broken. That I am not alone.
As such, talking about sexuality, and not just asexuality is vital to people who just wonder if what they feel is okay or normal. It helps erase the taboo of talking about it, helps bring a sense of community. This doesn't just hold for asexuality --this works for homosexuality, bisexuality, pansexuality, aromanticism, any other orientation. The more we speak about it, the more we let our voices be heard, the more we bring light to the darkness, the more our communities will be accepted by the world as a whole.
I speak about asexuality because I don't want my identity to be something that is hidden away in a closet and never spoken about, both for me and for everyone else I share it with.
So all these articles about asexuality aren't just me constantly wanting to talk about my lack of sex drive and wanting to put it out there for the world to see.
They aren't me using Odyssey as my diary, so random strangers on the Internet know about my thoughts. Instead, they're me trying to put the word "asexual" in more places. They're about me trying to make "asexual" a more common word, one that someone might consider using to describe themselves.
And as such, to everyone who's questioning their sexuality, thinking that maybe these articles I've written might describe them, I'm here saying you're not alone. You're not broken. There is a community of people like you, and you'll find acceptance; first here, and later in the rest of the community. And when you're ready, add your voice.
We'll always welcome your input.
