I've written before about what it means to be ace, and if we're honest, I wouldn't change the fact that I am incredibly and vehemently asexual. One of the best things is the community, though you have to dig to find it, and this community shares many experiences, whether they're joys, struggles, or just average aspects of an ace life, and I'm here to share ten of them.

1. Coming out often requires an hour, a few dictionaries, an examination into psychology and detailed discussions about the nature of sexual desire.

When I tell people I'm ace, I get a lot of questions, and I'll cover some of the most common ones later. But overall, people just don't know what being ace is, and then they get it confused with a million other things--and on top of that, since I'm not also aromantic, I also end up having to explain that yes, I don't want sex, no, I still want romance, yes, I can still have romance without sex, no, it's not a religious thing, ad nauseum. So while people who are gay can just say "I'm gay" and be generally understood, we aces rarely get to leave it at "I'm ace."

2. "Isn't that a plant thing?"

Yes, asexual reproduction is a plant thing. But being asexual--as in, not being sexually attracted to anyone regardless of gender or gender expression--is not. So stop asking, because trust me, every ace has had that question at least once.

3. "You'll find the right person and that'll change."

This is just like telling a gay person that they just haven't found the right person of the opposite gender. Like no, there's no magical "right person" to awaken within me the desire to have sex.

4. Is it a religious thing?

(Pictured above: me when people try and tell me being ace is a religious choice.)

You're thinking of celibacy, which is a) a choice, and b) not having sex despite urges to do so. Which is completely wrong because some aces have sex, and those who don't, don't have sex because they literally just don't want to. It's not some biblical suppression of sinful urges that can only be realized under wedlock; it's literally that we'd rather not.

5. "But sex is a fundamental biological urge."/"There are medications to fix that."

No one needs to have a sex drive. Sex drive is not necessary to be a person, sex drive is not necessary for life. You don't need to have sexual attraction. Yes, there are medications to increase libido, but those are for if your lack of libido distresses you, like when allosexual (non-ace) men have trouble producing testosterone. Aces don't care that we don't want sex, we just...don't want it.

6. Trying not to be ridiculously ace when allosexual people talk about crushes or hotness.

I love my friends. And I love when people talk to me about things that are current and pressing in their life. But when people who are close to me go on about "Oh my God, [so-and-so] is so hot," I just have no idea what to do. Like, "Yes, I too am aware of The Hot." And don't get me started on when people talk about random commonly sexualized characteristics and expect a response from me. Like what am I supposed to say to "Damn, they have a nice ass"? What qualifies an ass as nice? It's just...muscle and fat? Why? To quote a seemingly immortal vine, I am confusion.

7. Insisting to people that, yes, you do not understand what someone being sexy or hot is.

"Don't you think they're cute?" Listen, I don't know what cute is in the way you're referring to it, because I know that on some level you mean sexually attractive. Like I acknowledge that some people are visually appealing, but paintings are too and I don't have a crush on a painting?

8. The CONSTANT ace jokes.

To other members of the LGBT+ community, this won't come as a shock. Honestly, as someone who could see herself in a romantic relationship with a woman, I've made my fair share of jokes like "Let me get something straight--I'm not." Just add to that seemingly infinite jokes about a lack of sexual attraction. This Bo Burnham vine? A constant thing that I send to chats when they talk about sex. That "I like my coffee like I like my men. I don't like coffee" joke that circles around tumblr? If I had a nickel for every time I've modified that into an ace joke I'd be pretty rich by now. Ace jokes are great.

9. On a similar note, the PUNS.

Listen, ace puns are essential to asexuality, I don't make the rules. It's part of our acethetic. And we know it.

10. Above all, questioning our sexuality.

Every ace has been confused at one point. Every ace has wondered, because we live in a world charged with sex and sexual imagery, and one that insists that sex is important. Personally, I spent years thinking "Wait, I've never been sexually attracted to men. Does that mean I'm gay? But...I've never been attracted to a woman either. Wait. Maybe I'm just overanalyzing. Maybe this really is sexual attraction." Repeat over and over and over. Heck, occasionally even now I have the thought of "am I really ace?"

But over and over again, we come back to this community. Because, despite living in a sexualized world, aces everywhere are realizing that sex drive is not what makes us a valid person. There is so much else that makes us, us. And it's pretty incredible. So remember, if you're ace, you're doing amazing and you deserve all the love. Because it isn't easy being ace, but you're getting through it.