The other night, I did a very popular activity amongst teenagers today. At about 10:30, I climbed onto the couch, let my uncle's dog curl up beside me, and put on one of my favorite chick-flicks, which I had saved on the DVR. And, being myself, I was asleep before the movie had hit its 10 minute mark.
I woke up around 1:00 in the morning; the movie had ended, and the television had automatically switched back to the late-night news. The first thing I registered was an unfamiliar man saying, "After the attacks in France and Belgium, it is very likely that the United States will be ISIS' next target." I turned off the TV. I already knew this. I had heard it many times already, and it was something that I knew was pretty inevitable. But all night, I couldn't shake the worried feeling.
I woke up the next morning to the news of the Orlando shooting, along with the fact that it was considered an act of terrorism and that the man who carried out the shooting had claimed loyalty to ISIS. I worry often, and this was no different. Fear raced through my head. But this was bigger than almost everything else I often find myself worried about. As I was trying to sort through my panicked thoughts, I remembered a quote that I had seen on the billboard in front of my church earlier that week: "Where worry ends, faith begins."
I am Catholic. I talk to God on a regular basis, and I go to church almost every Sunday. But praying to him when my anxiety was becoming uncontrollable was not an idea that had really ever crossed my mind. So I climbed back into the bed, clutched my stuffed rabbit and recited the words that I felt to be most fitting for the situation.
"Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,"
I cannot change what has happened or what is going to happen. I can't prevent terrorism in New Orleans, the United States, or anywhere in the world. I can't stop the homophobia and islamaphobia running rampant through our country, and I can't stop the war that will inevitably come as a result of all of this. By living in constant fear, I will make myself sick with worry.
"The courage to change the things I can,"
All I can do is pray for those being affected and help them in the ways that I can. I can pray that those causing harm can find peace in themselves and in others. But I can't worry too much about what I cannot do.
"And the wisdom to know the difference."
I know the difference between what I can and cannot change; I need to stop worrying about what I can't do and utilize what I can do to ease my anxiety. I need to learn to live in the moment without worrying about what will happen in the future. Ultimately, all hardships and struggles will result in the peace of one day being with the Lord, Our Savior.
"What then are we to say about these things? If God is for us, then who is against us?"
— Romans 8:31
