Public speaking is recognized as the world's most common fear—even surpassing death to become the number one phobia among the majority of the population. Even many outgoing people who thrive in social situations admit to having "stage fright," or become anxious at the thought of having to present themselves in front of a crowd. Naturally, one would assume that this fear would multiply tenfold in someone who struggles with everyday interactions, but I find this to be quite the contrary.
I suffer from crippling social anxiety, but I am an avid performer.
In so many aspects of my life, I let my anxiety define me. Actions that should come easily—and do for most people—such as dialing a phone or asking a question send me into a state of near panic. There are so many opportunities that I have missed out on simply because I was too shy to speak up.
This reluctance to present myself to new people or to tackle new situations led me to be an outcast for much of my school career. I had a few good friends, but most of my classmates either didn't know me at all, or knew me as the girl who never talked. I wanted so badly to befriend these classmates, but I found myself physically incapable of being able to talk to them. The thought of having to hold a conversation would cause my heart to race, my head to pound, and my breathing to become erratic. It all sounds entirely dramatic, but this is the unfortunate and ever-present reality of having social anxiety. I legitimately worried that I would always be this way—until I found the music department.
The nature of an ensemble allows a person to shine as an individual while still fostering a sense of community. Being a musician taught me crucial skills on how to find my place inside this community, and how to work with others to create a product with meaning. As a flutist, singer, dancer, and actress, I have been given many opportunities to perform, and with each performance my confidence has grown.
As a performer, I have also become a leader. I have found that the result of a successful performance provides instant gratification, and the joy that I have experienced from this inspired me to help spark that joy in others. In my senior year of high school, I was given the opportunity to be both the Drum Major of the marching band, as well as Dance Captain of the school musical, two positions that forced me to speak and interact with others in a way that I was incapable of doing previously. Holding these positions allowed me to push myself socially, and resulted in me becoming a more confident and outspoken individual.
My involvement in the performing arts gave me a voice in a world where I otherwise felt that I could not be heard. Some of my proudest moments and greatest friendships have come as a result of my involvement within the music and theatre community. I strive to take the lessons of cooperation and self-confidence that performance has given me and implement them into all other aspects of my life.
