What do guys see when a girl dresses up?

There has been significant evidence that the average 21st century male species will see things like this according to most middle class boyfriends:

If this is true, imagine the implications. Women everywhere wear clothes that they perceive men will appreciate. We spend hours before the mirror making sure we color coordinate perfectly, everything lays right, and every curve is perfectly flattering.

But is this really necessary?

This week, I went behind the scenes of fashion to interview a real dude (my middle class boyfriend). This person very honest and he and accurately describes women's clothing just as he sees it. Maybe he will give us a glimpse of the truth about how men perceive our fashion choices.

Here is how the interview went:

Question: What comes to mind when I say, "peplum blouse"?

Answer: "Oh my gosh. Like, what I think it would be? A peplum blouse? Um... (30 seconds silence). Maybe it has ruffles or something? I mean, that's really all I have. I don't know what it is; I just keep thinking of pepperonis. Like, red polka dots on a blouse."

Question: What do you prefer on women? Knee-high, calf length, or ankle boots?

Answer: "Honestly I don't really have a preference. I guess I would say ankle boots, because if I was a women, I'd probably be more comfortable with that. I don't want boots up to my knees.

Question: Do you think leggings are pants?

Answer: "I guess it really depends on the situation. Um, if you're wearing leggings and you can see every detail, then no, those are not pants, especially if you don't wear a shirt to cover up some of those details. But if you wear leggings appropriately, where it is not skin tight, or you wear them with something, like a dress, then yeah, I would consider them pants in that situation. I guess it is really how you wear them."

Question: Here is an image with all the different types of heels. Which one should a woman wear to a summer outdoor wedding? Why?

Answer: "I say probably the Mary J's. Well, because when you're outside, you are not always going to have even level ground, so having a big heel with divots all in the ground would be just asking for an accident. With the sleek Mary J's though, you can walk on any ground while keeping your formal look."

Question: You chose the Mary Jane's. Are those currently in style for the 2016-2017 fiscal year?

Answer: "Wait, really? Are some of those [in the image above] not in style? Uhhhh... yeahhh? I think so, I believe that I've seen people wear them."

Question: Last question. Describe everything a woman is wearing to a job interview from head to toe.

Answer: "There are a few options. A woman could wear a nice dress, possibly pantie hose, with nice heels and dainty jewelry." What does this dress look like? "It should stick between three colors, like white, black, and gray.

"Other combinations would be like a pant-suit with heels. Same colors apply. Or like a fancy top with a skirt and heels. Flats would also work for all three combinations, if they're nice." What about the Mary Jane's? "Those would be appropriate. You can walk on any ground with those bad boys."

So there you have it. Girl's fashion from a guy's perspective. It's obviously clear that all you need to wow the men in your life is to don a pair of Mary Jane's and wear a lot of gray to your job interviews.