Yes, Women Are Rapists, Too

Yes, Women Are Rapists, Too

The rape stigma is so skewed that we are glaring forgetting the other voices.
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Disclaimer: This is not an article about whether or not the people accused of harassment and rape are guilty of such crimes. I am not saying that these people did or did not commit the horrific crimes. I am simply bringing to light another argument that is being misrepresented.

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2017 has been the year of #MeToo.

Twitter has exploded with the cries from victims, echoing further than our iPhone screens can reach. Their shouts have now been forever imprinted on the cover of every magazine, every headline, and every Instagram hashtag. Hollywood has forever been changed. The celebrities that changed our childhood, our lives, their names are blacklisted and forever tarnished by the accusations developing. 2017 has brought women of all different ethnicities, religions, educations, and orientations together to raise their voices against the men that silenced their own.

Scattered about every headline plastered on my news feed, the one that made me stop and click didn't revolve around a news icon, a childhood actor, or a poetic genius: "The Voice" contestant Melanie Martinez being accused of raping her best friend had me speechless.

Now, I have never seen "The Voice," nor do I care to watch a bunch of over-rated pop stars attempt to achieve their 30 minutes of fame. However, the fact that it was a woman being accused of rape that left me fact-checking and pondering. Out of every rape accusation that has come out this record-breaking year, how is this the first woman rapist named?

Yes, women are rapists.

We are so shocked to hear the up cry of voices that we forget that the voice oppressing the victims may not be a man’s. I have had more guy friends call me, with tears in their eyes and cracks in their voice, saying that a girl took advantage of them, saying that they were threatened with false rape accusation unless they performed sexual acts, saying that a woman inserted herself without their permission, saying that she performed sexual acts when he was too paralyzed to say no. Things like, “why would he say no to pussy” and “it’s not rape if it gets your hard ” truly silence the male rape survivors for fear of emasculating and, like all rape survivors, shame.

I have known more men who have been raped than women... by women.

They refuse to acknowledge the trauma and incident because their perception is that rape can only happen with a man; a domineering force holding your head down in a bathroom while your struggle to get away. They don’t realize that guilt, blackmail, coercion, forced penetration, oral sex are events of rape experienced by men. I have heard women say in the coldest of manners that women cannot be rapist, just like minorities cannot be racist.

How could someone deter the trauma that affects ones everyday function, because it doesn’t fit into their patriarchy stereotype? Fuck you. Women play the damsel card, the inferior one, in order to achieve a level of superiority over people who are too afraid, who have too much to lose, to say no. I call bullshit.

I stand with every man and woman who has ever felt the pain and damages of rape at the hand of a woman, and had their experience dismissed because of it. Speak your voice, if you are reading this, tell us why you too.

Cover Image Credit: Unsplash

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As A Victim Of Sexual Abuse, Painting '#MeToo' On A WWII Statue Is Taking The Movement TOO Far

There is a line you should never cross and that is it.

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The famous picture of the sailor kissing a woman was taken right on V-J Day, when Japan surrendered to the U.S. in World War II. For decades it was seen as a representation of how excited and relieved everyone was at the end of the war.

The picture touched the hearts of thousands as you could feel the overwhelming amounts of joy that came from the snap of the camera. While the woman in the picture died back in 2016 due to a struggle with pneumonia, the sailor just recently died on Feb. 17, 2019 at the age of 95.

Most people saw it as both a heartbreak and heartwarming that the couple that was once photographed were now together.

Other people saw differently.

There is a statue made of the picture that resides in Sarasota, Florida. Police found early Tuesday morning of Feb. 19, two days after the sailor's death, that someone had spray-painted #MeToo on the statue's leg in bright red.

As a woman, I strongly encourage those who have been sexually assaulted/abused in any way shape or form, to voice themselves in the best way they can. To have the opportunity to voice what they went through without being afraid. As a woman who has also been a victim of sexual assault and has been quiet for many years...

This act of vandalism makes me sick.

While the woman that was kissed by the sailor was purely kissed on impulse, she had stated in an interview with 'The New York Times' that, "It wasn't a romantic event. It was just an event of 'thank God the war is over.'"

People were celebrating and, as a sailor, that man was so over the moon about the war being over that he found the nearest woman to celebrate with.

While I don't condone that situation, I understand both the reason behind it as well as the meaning behind the photo. I understand that, while it wasn't an intended kiss, it was a way of showcasing relief. To stick #MeToo on a statue of a representation of freedom is not the right way to bring awareness of sexual abuse.

It gives those the wrong idea of why the #MeToo movement was started. It started as a way for victims of sexual abuse to share their stories. To share with the world that they are not alone.

It helped me realize I wasn't alone.

But the movement, soon after it started, became a fad that turned wrong. People were using it in the wrong context and started using it negatively instead of as an outlet for women and men to share their horrific experiences of sexual assault.

That statue has been up for years. To wait until the sailor passed away was not only rude but entirely disrespectful. The family of that sailor is currently in mourning. On top of it, it's taking away from the meaning behind the photo/statue. World War II was one of the darkest, scariest events in — not just our American history — but the world's as well.

Sexual abuse is a touchy matter, I encourage everyone to stand up for what's right. But to vandalize a statue of one of the most relieving days in America's history is an act that was unnecessary and doesn't get the point of #MeToo across in the way it should. If anything, it's giving people a reason not to listen. To protest and bring attention to something, you want to gather the right attention.

This was not gathering the right attention.

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We Are More Than Categories And It's High Time We Stop Letting Online Personality Tests Define Us

Why are we letting online personality test define our greatest faults?

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Obsession. This is the best word that can be used to describe the era of online personality tests. Between "Meyers Briggs" and the oh so popular "Enneagram Test," the nation has become obsessed with primary numbers, wing numbers, personality codes, and "personal" descriptions. People are writing books, recording podcasts, sharing articles, and using up air time on anything and everything related to personality tests.

Which celebrity are you most like? What type of person do you want on your team? The search results are endless.

I can not even begin to count the number of times I have heard, "oh you must be a _____ (insert Enneagram number here)!" or "What is your Meyers Briggs? That makes total sense for you." What can be wrong with these online tests? We're learning about ourselves and how to relate and work with one another, aren't we?

Well... sort of. These online personality tests provide faults as well as strengths. They put people into categories based on what they struggle with the most — and we are taking those faults to heart.

The "Enneagram Test" breaks the world into 9 types of people. These 9 topics are 1. The Reformer, 2. The Helper, 3. The Achiever 4. The Individualist, 5. The Investigator, 6. The Loyalist, 7. The Enthusiast, 8. The Challenger, and 9. The Peacemaker. Once you receive your number you also are assigned a "wing" number or the number you are closest to ex: 3 Wing 2 means that you are considered to be a part of "The Achiever" group but lean toward "The Helper."

When you receive your results, you also get a ton of information pretty much breaking down exactly who you are, what you're great at, and what you struggle with. While I do recognize that some of this information can be helpful, it is even more important to remember that everyone is different and just because your test results say you have trouble committing does not mean that you're going to struggle in every future relationship.

These results are molds. They are meant to be used to aid in self-evaluation, not to determine exactly how you view yourself.

Like anything else, the obsession with personality tests will fade, but until then, we should be paying attention to the benefits of personality tests rather than the dangers. Spending 3 hours reading about why your type is doomed to fail is not going to help you with anything. Use your results to appreciate the things you're really good at. Use your results to improve your team skills.

But for the love of God, please do not obsess over every small personality detail. The world is made of individual people who are all very different from one another. There is no reason to stick yourself in a category that you feel like you can't change.

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