I Wish I Was Good Enough For You

To me, you will always be that funny guy that made me laugh, even when I wanted to cry.

I think you still manage to do that, but now you have also caused some of the tears. I don't know why you are the one person I can never get over. Maybe it's because deep down I know you will never go for me, so it helps me avoid commitment and relationships. Or maybe for some odd reason my heart just won't give up on you. No matter what though you will always be my best friend, at least I hope you will.

Sometimes I wonder if I was skinnier and prettier would you have liked me? Would you still have rejected me? Maybe that's why when I workout I spend two hours at the gym and when I do my makeup I try to hide all my flaws. I mean I know all of your exes and they're drop dead gorgeous, I don't think I could even come close to a single one of them. But then if it wasn't my looks, maybe it was my personality.

Maybe if I had been more outgoing or more charismatic you may have noticed me. Or maybe if I wasn't always so reserved. I just wish I could be more like them, the girls you fall for. They seem to light up the room when they enter, but they also own the room. They are the happy and confident girls, I am the shy one that tends to stand in a corner. They also aren't as awkward. Maybe that's actually the issue. I mean I can barely talk to boys as it is, but with you, I can feel my heart race to dangerous speeds. I probably sound so dumb when I talk to you.

No matter what it is that made me not your type, I truly wish I could fix it.

That I could be enough for you. That maybe we could have tried to go on one date. Maybe it would have helped me get over you because I would have known we gave it a try. Now I'm left with what if's and I feel as if I will never get closure. I'll always wonder if I hadn't been so fat could you have seen me differently? Could I have ever been someone you cared about as more than a friend?

Honestly, sometimes I want to blame you, and sometimes maybe I do.

I mean, even my friends have noticed little things that make them understand why I can't get over you. Some even notice you treat me slightly differently, but I tell them it's all in their head. I think they don't realize their comments make me hope maybe deep down there is something there. But I know better. You do deserve better than me to be completely honest.

The belief you deserve better is also why I hate when you get into new relationships.

Because it means my hope dies, but it also means I have to struggle with my feelings. I'm sad I can't be that girl, but I love the fact you are happy. I hope every time that maybe this will be the right girl for you, because once you find her I can finally tell my emotions to stop, and my heart to shut up. I guess what they say is true - if you love someone, let them go. I mean, you deserve to find the right person and be happy. To have the person who will bring out the best in you and stay by your side. Overall you deserve the happily ever after, and I deserve to learn not to let myself dream too big.