I wish I met you earlier, but now that I think about it, perhaps not. Had I known you during my childhood, would I be able to truly appreciate your presence in my life now? And that's not to say I don't value my childhood relationships the same way I value my adult ones. The friends I have been able to keep from those days still mean as much to me now as they did then, but I'm getting off track.
We are all compilations of our experiences, right? I am who I am because of what happened to who I was back then. Everything the way it is now is the effect of a past cause; everything the way it is now is the cause for a future effect. Had I known you during my childhood, surely I'd be a much different person today, right?
I can really only speak for the you of today, the you I know now. Had I known the very same you of today during my childhood, surely I'd be a much different person today. Surely you'd keep me level headed the way you do now. Surely you'd inspire me the way you do now. Surely you'd support me the way you do now. All these things considered, surely I'd grow up to be a much better person, right?
Or perhaps not, for when I think of who I was before, I think of selfishness, of jealousy, of impatience, of rage, of all other petty flaws that can fill a human being. Had I known the very same you of today during my childhood, maybe I'd ignore you the same way I ignored a lot of things. I can't be certain.
As I walk through new doors, climb through new windows, of the same house, of different houses, I reflect on my growth by means of the relationships in my life. Had I not known certain painful memories as well as certain blissful memories, would I know you? You, a pivotal relation in my life. Had I known you at any other time in my life, would I still consider you a pivotal relation?
Had some divine power put you in my life, why now? Why not when I needed you the most? Perhaps I'm not looking at the big picture and I need you most now more than ever. Or maybe I met you by coincidence, your existence in my life random and by chance. Maybe I met you because maybe my life is just a quiz in one of those preteen magazines. I like to think of all the random little events that led me to you, or even the days that knew something that we didn't.
I will go through this process again and again with each person that comes in and out of my life. I will wish I met them earlier, maybe in my childhood, maybe in my teen years, maybe now, maybe a couple years from now.
I will wish I met you earlier, but for what? I can't really think of a better reason than the possibility of becoming a better person. Interestingly enough, I have come to the conclusion that I don't wish I met you earlier. We'll never know if who we were before would have gotten along the way who we are now already do. I am grateful for what you have done for my life and the person I have become because of knowing you now.
