When you were younger, your uncles were just “your cousins’ dads.” Sure, they gave you cool Christmas gifts and asked you how school was going at family dinners, but you never really had much interaction past that. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve been lucky enough to develop real relationships with my uncles, to the point that I look forward to meeting them at Dunkin' Donuts for coffee and to catch up.
If your uncle is an uncle by blood, he grew up with your mom or dad, so he’s bound to have some embarrassing stories about them. He’ll tell you about the time your dad tried to follow him and his older friends to the baseball field, but got caught before even stepping off the front lawn. And how your dad was the only sibling that Grandma drove to school while the others had to walk. No wonder they call him King Tom. Or he’ll mention the time the family left Mom at the Alamo… for two hours. Uncles are full of secrets your parents would rather you not know; try to tap into their wealth of Mom and Dad knowledge.
An uncle is a great secret keeper. It’s OK to be friends with him on Facebook because you know he would never tell Mom he saw a picture of you holding a red Solo cup. He may even slip you some wine at Christmas dinner, under the table of course. He is always great to have on your side if you’re planning something big for your parents. Want to get them an awesome anniversary gift but don’t know the first thing about cappuccino makers? Call Uncle Bob. Somehow uncles seem to know everything about anything, and you know he won’t ruin the surprise.
It’s really great if your uncle has children that are older than you. He’s been through it all before: from potty training to setting curfews to picking a college. He’ll be full of knowledge and happy to share it with your folks before they go through things with you. It’s almost like his kids were the test run and now you get the smooth ride. Every fight you would have with your dad, your cousins have already had with your uncle, and hopefully have won. Once your dad tells him what you two are fighting about, because you know they complain to each other about their own kids, your uncle will tell him to just let you win this one. His kids turned out fine, right? He’ll convince your dad to let you take that party bus into New York City after junior prom, because he let his daughter do it, and she turned out great. He’ll tell you which colleges you can cross off your list because he already visited every school on the East Coast with his son. Uncles love to pass the knowledge they’ve picked up onto their siblings, and you reap the benefits.
It’s kind of weird to think of your parents as being kids and having brothers and sisters. Your uncle was the one they fought with in long car rides and wrestled with until they put a hole in the wall. Just like you and your siblings, they grew up spending every day together, and now, as grownups, they’re apart. We forget how weird that must be for them, and now we can see why they get so involved in each other’s families. My family jokes that my one uncle is more like my grandpa because, being 12 years older, he pretty much raised my dad. As much as we laugh about it, I’m glad he did, because he did a damn good job. You don’t think about it, but your uncles are a major reason your parents are such wonderful people. So next family dinner, don’t roll your eyes when Uncle Bill asks how your economics class is going. He isn’t just making small talk. He really cares, because you’re an extension of his sibling, and he loves you like one.
