It is commonly said that your first love is the hardest to let go of, the one that will always sting the most when memories cross your mind, the one who will always stick. From experience, I can assure you this is not wrong, but maybe this is because we forget about something extremely important; To love ourselves first.

Unfortunately, society’s standards make it hard to love what you see when looking into the mirror, but honestly, screw it. Look into the deepest parts of your being and fall in love with every single aspect, then the rest will fall into place. Analyze who you are and find what you love the most. Maybe it’s how open minded you are, or how you never fail to make people around you laugh, or maybe it is how you are so unbelievably honest; Whatever it is, use those traits to build a strong foundation of love that will lead you to the confidence you need to be independent. Open yourself up to your flaws, recognize them, appreciate them, because there is no one else in the world that was made to be exactly like you. Treat yourself to coffee or a hot bath and some soft, relaxing music and appreciate every thought that comes to your mind, because these thoughts reflect on who you are. Finally, sit in your room and blast your favorite throwbacks and just let loose, sing along, and forget about the world for a second. Be your own best friend, be okay with being alone, because if you are codependent you will never be able to cope with heartbreak.

By no means am I saying to be a complete loner, in fact, human connection is one of the most important things on the planet. There is absolutely nothing in the world that feels better than being able to open up and share things with someone who understands you, but how do you expect to feel comfortable doing so when you don’t even understand yourself? You will constantly doubt yourself and feel insecure about what you have to say and you will always rely on everybody else’s assurance to build your confidence. Believe me, I have been there and I am still working on it, but I have realized that this is the way of living that will make you fall apart.

Relying on others for confidence is like searching to fill an ineffable void; no matter how many compliments or assuring words are put into it, you will continue to feel empty. Sure, love can make it feel somewhat full, but what about when that love runs its course (and in many cases it will)? You will be left feeling so lost and unfortunately, worthless. You see, the only way you saw your worth was through someone else eyes, and that was your first mistake. I don’t like calling it a mistake because it isn’t really your fault, sadly, it’s how most people live their lives, I know it is how I have been living mine. It is in this moment, amid excruciating heartbreak, that I am beginning to finally love who I am, and I wish I learned how to earlier so the pain wouldn’t have been so bad.

So what does happen when you let your first love be yourself rather than some boy? First of all, you will never settle for less than you deserve like so many of us girls do so often. Let me tell you something, the minute he begins to make you feel like less than who you are, you better run like hell and never look back. When you have a deep love for yourself, this will become easy since you know your worth and what you deserve. Yes, heartbreak will always be difficult, but you will be okay because you will realize the only person you need in this world is yourself. Not to be cliché, (although maybe being cliché is part of who I am, in that case, deal with it) but each individual is so incredibly unique and beautiful that it is a shame to see so many people lose their sense of self-worth. We live in a culture where it is rare to be purely confident, but it has to all start within yourself. It is time to realize that that boy cannot be known as your “first love” but rather your first “heartbreak” because the true love you hold for yourself will never hurt you the way he did.