Breakups are the worst. But what happens if you were never officially dating? Or if things kind of just fizzled out? Or if you’re kind of together but kinda not together at the same time? When a relationship ends, it comes along with so much gray area, it can take countless hours of your time to figure sort through your feelings. Sorting through your feelings is so important: it allows you to prioritize what and who is important, understand your true feelings, and stay loyal to yourself. So, if you’re going through a difficult decision with someone you had feelings for in the past and are trying to decide if pursuing the relationship is worth it, here’s my advice: focus on yourself. Every day is a new day and an opportunity for self-reflection and self-growth. Don’t allow someone to preoccupy your time if the feelings aren’t being reciprocated in the relationship.

There is a difference between poor and good treatment. If this person did not treat you respectfully and did not value you and your interests, deep down you already know. As much as you try to deny this less-than-perfect treatment because you “still have feelings” for someone, you owe it to yourself to cut the crap. That ex that keeps texting you but can’t commit? Delete his or her number and don’t look back. The hookup that keeps begging for more? If he or she really needed you, the person will make the effort to get into contact with you- trust me. Anything less than this is just unnecessarily holding out and stretching your outlived feelings of connection way too far. By wasting your time on the wrong person, you are missing out on a better version of yourself.

If you are in this situation, mentally rewire your thoughts to exclude this person, understand that life goes on, and “don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.” This is just one in the plethora of experiences you’ll have in your life that will shape you into the person you were meant to be. When you allow yourself the time to sort out your own feelings and not preoccupy yourself with what others think, you will be left with a sense of clarity about what you really want. You owe it to yourself to focus on yourself. The process is a journey, but one that will leave you feeling better overall and more confident in everything you set out to accomplish.