I've recently just finished watching all of "Parks & Recreation" on Netflix and it's been an enjoyable ride. The show has given me many laughs and has even taught me a few life lessons, one of them being on why an "Oh No Nos List" is important.
If you are unfamiliar with "Parks & Recreation," Aziz Ansari's character, Tom Haverford, has an "Oh No Nos List" that he uses when looking for potential partners. In season 4, Haverford said that “when I’m dating someone, I have a list called my ‘Oh No Nos.’ If a woman commits a Oh No No, it can end the relationship. Not loving 90s R&B music is no. 3 on the Oh No Nos list. Girl don’t even know who Ginuwine is.”
Maybe '90s R&B isn't always a legitimate excuse to break up with a person, but I like the idea of having standards when it comes to relationships.
We all want that ideal person to walk into our lives and most people hate wasted time that those Mr. and Miss Not-So-Rights bring to it. So, we set up a checklist in our minds that hopefully helps us seed out the people that aren't the best for us.
However, most people who vocalize their standards are seen as "picky." They're told to lower them or they'll never be able to live comfortably because of the cats that they'll inevitably own.
I can understand some unrealistic expectations. Having very specific height and salary requirements, while wanting a gentlemen who is funny, movie-star gorgeous and fashionable with a nice car is a little specific. But there's nothing wrong with wanting to find someone who is likes you and is attractive, who is also respectful and has a sense of humor.
What’s important to understand is that people with standards don’t have these giant walls up. They're not completely closed off to everyone; a common misconception is that they expect flawless perfection. It’s not about perfection – it’s about effort and respect and a general knowledge of how to treat people.
It is vital that we all maintain a sense of what we deserve when entering a new relationship. We need to respect ourselves. We need standards, but we need realistic standards. It’s good to set some sort of expectations for the person you’d like to be in a relationship with. It’s healthy and helps build self-esteem. It’s a great way to believe in yourself and believe you’re worth something. It’s when those standards become too specific that things can get a little more complicated.
Everyone deserves someone who is thoughtful, loving and intelligent. Everyone deserves to feel special. Everyone deserves happiness.
You don’t ever need to lower your standards, but adjusting them and meeting in the middle could be exactly what you're looking for.
