I'm not an emotional person. However, I strongly feel empathy and guilt. Recently, I have been overwhelmed with guilt. Not because I did something wrong or hurt someone. I feel guilty because I'm happy.
How is it fair that I'm happy while others are suffering? Obviously big picture, millions of people are starving, dying, and struggling to survive on a daily basis. But I'm more affected by seeing those around me be sad. I know people who are mentally unstable and depressed. They live similar lives as me, yet I'm happy and they're sad. That's not fair.
I would love more than anything to help people. I wish I had the power to convince everyone that they are loved, worthy, and that everything will get better. I want to see someone who is sad and snap my fingers, instantly turning their sorrow into happiness. Unfortunately, it doesn't work like that.
I'm happy most of the time. I love having fun and being around the people I care about. I'm confident in my body and with who I am. I never realized how big of a flex that was until recently.
I think too much. Sometimes I can't even enjoy what I'm doing because I'm constantly thinking about others who feel sad, alone, and helpless. It's a vicious cycle. My friend is sad. I'm sad because they're sad. The friend becomes more sad because they made me sad. But feeling guilty doesn't help the situation.
It's okay to be happy when others are sad. It's okay to have fun even when others can't. It's okay to smile when others only know how to frown. I struggle with believing this as I'm sure some of you do too. But we need to realize that feeling guilty for living our own lives happily will not cure other people's depression, it will just contribute to our own.
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