There was a time in my life when I was so consumed by what others thought of me that I didn’t understand how truly having a personal identity felt. All that mattered to me was making sure I was agreeable and willing to cater to my friends’ needs. While listening and being there for friends is undoubtedly important, I have slowly learned that there is so much more to relationships.

Nice isn’t a bad quality. Nice is a nice thing to be. But really, shouldn’t there be more? I don’t want to be the girl who just offers an empty compliment to make someone else feel a connection towards me. I don’t want to be the girl who smiles and engages in amiable small talk and then waltzes away. I don’t want to be the girl who has a sunny disposition and not much more. I don’t want to be forgettable.

I don’t disagree with being agreeable, for the most part. But there are definitely times when it’s necessary to be so much more than pleasant. I am not a delicate individual, and I don’t think that’s something that any young man or woman should aspire to be. We need to be robust and empowered, strong and outspoken. Had some of the most influential historical figures -- Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Booker T. Washington, Frederick Douglass -- remained content in their situations, there would have been virtually no social advancement. By simply being agreeable, we are stifling the natural creativity and freedom that comes with being human. I cannot stress enough how significant it is to utilize your own unconventional ideas, rather than being satisfied with those of your peers. Though being supportive of others is totally necessary, leadership is also important; no one has ever reached his or her full potential solely by listening to others. It takes intention, motivation, and perhaps a touch of debate or disagreement. Having your ideas or thoughts taken advantage of is painful, and no man or woman wants to be known as the push-over.

Admittedly, I am an extremely conversational person. I like to compliment people I know and even people I don’t know, and I love chatting with others about everything under the sun. But I like to think that there’s more to me than just positive words. Being dynamic and having strong opinions is so much more important than having other individuals like you on a surface level. When you do voice opinions and can back them up with facts, you’re going to find the friends who truly like you for you. You’ll find an inner peace with yourself that you might have not even realized was present. It’s okay to find and develop your own identity, because who you are as an individual is so much more appealing than the one who seeks only to appease others. Being unapologetically yourself is a magnetic quality, and I promise that a more genuine friend group will gravitate towards your inner confidence more than would ever gravitate towards your exterior compliments.

Being nice is not bad. I definitely think you should be friendly and offer your advice, friendship, and services to others - but don’t let that define you. Allow yourself to be known as the one who knows what he or she wants and goes for it. Allow yourself to be confident enough to have strong opinions and share them with others and be the empowered individual who you know is inside of you. Live your life joyfully, share the love that bursts from within you. Know that you are so much more than nice. You are powerful.