More often than not, the way we deal with conflict is simply by avoiding it.
Many lean towards the flight option of the “fight or flight response,” especially when loved ones are involved. There are many reasons why we might do this. Maybe we’re scared to confront someone. Maybe we aren’t confident that our relationship can stand the test of conflict. Maybe we just want to keep the peace. Whatever your thought process might be, here are some reasons why avoiding conflict might be disadvantageous.
1. Sometimes the other person just doesn’t know how you’re feeling (or vice versa). Best case scenario, the source of contention is rooted in misunderstanding. Oftentimes we have trouble putting ourselves in someone else’s shoes or recognizing that what they’re feeling might not be the same as what we think they’re feeling. Say two people are fighting over using the last egg in the fridge. When they actually take the time to discuss what they need the egg for, they realize that Person A wanted the egg to use in their cake mix and Person B wanted to use the egg shell as fertilizer in their garden. Sometimes all we need to do is take a step back and look at the bigger picture.
2. Honesty is good for you. Occasionally, we fight while not knowing the whole truth of a matter. It is important for us to be confident in voicing our opinions with one another and it is important for both sides of an argument to have all of the information. If we never bring up the truth or say what we are feeling, it is very rare that either side will be completely happy in the long run.
3. A healthy relationship will have disagreements. This goes for our relationships with friends, family members, and our significant others. It is important to see how contention is handled between two people. If you avoid conflict and never disagree, you will never know how you two might deal with such a situation (and disagreeing with one another is bound to happen eventually…unfortunately, you can’t avoid things forever). Some conflicts might go over well. Some conflicts might not. It’s important to practice being understanding and respectful of other people’s opinions and thoughts and allowing yourselves to stare conflict straight in the face instead of shying away from it is a good way to practice this.
4. The conflict will usually escalate if left unresolved. This is the classic example of a tea kettle boiling over. If you leave the water on the stove to boil and neglect to take the kettle off when the water is ready, it eventually will boil over and cause a mess. If we are left to stew over a certain problem or conflict by ourselves, soon the problem will seem to be bigger than it started out as.
5. You can grow to resent the other person. This is potentially the most dangerous possibility as a result of avoiding conflict–growing to be angry, hurt, or upset with the other person. We start to imagine what the other person is feeling and may start to dislike that person, even though we don’t have the whole story and haven’t heard their side yet.
We shouldn’t be scared to disagree or argue with someone. We are all individuals with unique points of view, and it is important to embrace conflict head on and to learn how to deal with contention in a respectful and positive manner. This article is by no means encouraging conflict (and one must recognize that at times it is okay to shy from it) but instead is encouraging you to embrace the fact that conflict is both a necessary and healthy part of life and how we deal with it is up to us.
