I learned a lot during my freshman year of college.
And no, I’m not just talking about the basic lessons taught in geography, public speaking, or English composition. I guess what I’m trying to say is, I learned a lot about relationships in my freshman year of college. More than I ever thought I would, and it made me a better person. This is the story of my relationship that I spent way too much time settling in, and not enough time making myself happy again.
The first “class” about relationships that I, unfortunately, passed with an A+ was “Settling 101.” Obviously not a real class, but it sure felt like it at the time. Just like a lot of other girls my age, I was in an unhealthy relationship. Looking back on it now, it wasn’t a good relationship. Nothing about it was stable, happy, and even from the start, I knew it wouldn’t last long. Despite knowing all of those things I stayed in that relationship (for five months to be exact), not realizing how I was forgetting about the list of standards that I had wanted for my future boyfriend. Why did I brush my list of relationship standards aside? Well simply because I was settling for the fact that I had someone who seemed to care about me. I had someone to text, I had someone to hang out with when I went home on the weekends, I had someone to share secrets with and vent to when I was upset. I had all of those things, and I didn’t want to go through the heartbreak while losing those comfortable and familiar aspects of a relationship.
Looking back on it now, I wish I wouldn’t have wasted those five months. I wish I could’ve seen the emotional abuse that I was going through the whole time, just because I was simply blinded by the fear of heartbreak.
The second “class” that I slowly, but surely, passed was “How to Stop Settling 201.” One day I had finally gotten so frustrated with all of the bad qualities of this so-called relationship, that I decided to take matters into my own hands and end it for good. It was tough. At the time, it was one of the hardest nights of my life. The awful heartbreak that I’d been avoiding caught up to me and flipped my world upside down. As I sat on my bed in my little dorm room surrounded by my Christmas lights that glowed through the dark, I closed my eyes and fell asleep. The next morning, I woke up and made a promise to myself – that I would never settle in any relationship ever again. No matter what. Which lead me to passing my last class, “Being Happy by Waiting 301.”
Since the break-up I’ve had a few guys come in and out of my life, but no potential for a real, long-lasting relationship yet, and you know what? That’s OK. I’ve stopped settling, and trust me when I say that I’m so much happier and hopeful each and every day. I’m young, and just starting out my college journey! The best thing I learned in my first year of college was to never stray from my “relationship standards list” or whatever you want to call it. No matter how many little, crazy, or strange things are on that list, never settle for anyone that doesn’t match up. If you want your boyfriend to be the same religion as you? Don’t settle. If you want to be abstinent until marriage? Don’t settle. If you want him to be into comedy movies and pineapple pizza just like you are? Don’t settle. If you want him to love your cat just as much as you love it? Don’t settle.
If there’s one thing that I can promise you, is that the guy that matches up with your list is out there somewhere. He’s looking for the girl that matches up with his list and one day that’ll be you. And OK, maybe he won’t love the pineapple pizza, but you know what? He’ll love that you love it, and that’s all that matters.
Please don’t settle. Ever.
