There comes a time in life when you have to let people go. Unfortunately, some people you might not want to let go of -- but you should. Whether it's an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend, a best friend, a friend or an acquaintance, sometimes you need to take a step back and reevaluate the relationship. If you aren’t happy in any kind of relationship, something needs to change, because your happiness is important. Ending any kind of relationship is tough, especially because you once deeply cared for that person or those people. But you will ultimately see that walking away is the best thing you can do for yourself.
Recently, I had to end a relationship with two people. They had treated me poorly for months: ignoring me, cutting me out of photos and making me feel like a third wheel. I wasn’t happy. When I tried to express my unhappiness, there was no apology and no change; things stayed the same. I tried to convince myself that it would just take time and that things would get better and I would stop feeling this way.
That was probably one of the worst things I could have done. I left last semester thinking that things would get better, but I was totally wrong. For my entire winter break, I was ignored by two people I had called my best friends. My texts went unanswered, I was cropped out of pictures and I was left to wonder what I had done to deserve all of this.
The worst part was that I was blindsided when I returned to school. I was told that I was a bad roommate and a bad friend and that they didn’t want to live with me next year. They had reluctantly stated that they still wanted to be friends as long as I would change, but they acted like they were doing me a favor by staying my friend, and I didn’t feel like I should have to change for anyone.
At first I was very hurt. I spent a lot of time upset and angry with myself. However, this lasted a much shorter time than I thought it would. It only took me a few days to realize that I was better off without them. So I decided to cut them out of my life. I stopped hanging out with them, I stopped talking to them and I stopped opening my door to them. (We share a bathroom, so I started blocking their access to my room because I didn’t want to interact with them.) These people were not my friends, and I started to wonder if they ever had been.
Friends don’t treat people the way I was treated. Friends don’t ignore you and blindside you with small issues that they make out to be bigger ones. Friends don’t try to hurt you. Friends let you know right away when they have an issue so that you can work it out. Friends value you and the friendship they have with you; friends don’t jeopardize friendships because they’re power hungry. A friend will always have your back simply because he or she is your friend. My mom once told me that tough situations bring out people’s true colors, and I think that is incredibly true. In any kind of relationship, if someone leaves because times are tough, you’re not meant to have a relationship; he or she isn’t the right person for you.
You have to learn to let some people go. You have to let go of the people who bring you down, break your spirit and steal your happiness. Anyone who doesn’t make you happy isn’t worth your time. You deserve happy memories, laughter, support, respect and kindness, and true friends will bring you all of those.
Some people do not deserve you, and it is up to you to let those people go when the time is right. Ask yourself, “Will this person be in my life 10 years from now?” If the answer is no, it’s time to let them go. You need to let them go so that you can continue to grow. Losing friends and relationships is a part of life, and it helps you grow into the person you’re meant to be.
For me, losing these friends has helped me grow into a more independent, stronger person. I’m pushing myself out of my comfort zone to meet new people, and I’m building social skills and confidence along the way. I’ve lost friends at every stage in my life. I lost friends in elementary school, middle school, high school and now college, and every time I have come out stronger than before and a better version of myself.
I’m not saying that it’s easy to let go of a relationship of any kind; it’s not. A breakup, with a friend or a partner, is a breakup, and it’s going to hurt. But you will grow from the pain and you will grow from the separation. It’s easy to know who you are when things are good, but you need to find out who you are when things get tough because that makes up a huge part of you.
There are some people who are only meant to be in your life for a short time. They are not meant to be life-long friends, best friends or life-long partners. This might be hard to accept, but you will realize that it was meant to happen. I am a firm believer in the idea that most things happen for a reason. There is a reason that you are meant to lose people.
One of my favorite saying is: People change, and things go wrong, but through it all, life goes on.
Your life does not end because you lost a relationship -- your life is changing for the better. Understand that there is a mourning period, a healing period and an acceptance period, and you will find yourself along the way. Some people need to become memories in order for you to move forward. You can’t have people in your life who don’t make you happy, because they will continue not to make you happy. Your current level of happiness determines your future level of happiness. So if you’re not happy now, change it so you will be happy in the future.
For me, losing these friends and relationships was one of the best things that could have happened to me. It allowed me to grow, better myself and learn more about who I am. I’ve pushed myself to grow and do things because I want to, not worrying about what others might think.
Out of all the people I’ve lost, I have only ever regretted losing one of them, and that’s only because of how close we were and how things ended; and yet I still know I’m better off without her. I know that in every situation in which I lost a friend, it was meant to be that way. We were meant to be friends for only a short time so that we could teach other a lesson.
I’ve learned a lot from the people I’ve lost. I’ve learned things about myself, about others and about life. I know many people who have experienced the same things when they lost friends and relationships as well. You need to let people go so you can maintain your happiness. Your happiness needs to be a top priority because, if it isn’t, you’ll never attain it.
Losing people helps you find yourself. That’s why you need to let them go.
