“Life becomes easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got.” --Robert Brault
I can’t say I’ve always believed in this quote. In fact, it used to anger me. I never understood why people thought that they could scurry out of situations without offering a genuine, heartfelt apology. In an ideal world, everyone would take responsibility for hurting one another, try to fix the damage done, or at least express remorse for their actions. But we know that in the real world, this is hardly the case.
The tough truth is, people hurt us. Sometimes, those who hurt us the most don’t even see fault in their actions. Sometimes they do, but offer you nothing but a half-hearted “sorry.”
As tempting as it is to hold onto resentment, you should let it go. Here’s why:
It’s hurting you more than it’ll ever hurt them.
Regardless of whether they ever feel regretful of their actions or not, grudges drain you, desensitize you, and tighten your heart. They cause your stress to skyrocket, hurt your other relationships, and can damage your mental health. Is it all really worth it for someone who couldn’t care less whether you’re hurt or not? The answer is no.
Some of the best advice I’ve ever received is that the ability to forgive another person is not a favor to them, but rather a favor to yourself. When you forgive someone, you’re not condoning their actions nor are you doing it because you’ve changed your mind about the situation.
Forgiving someone is freeing yourself; it’s doing yourself a favor and agreeing to move on with your life and not give the person the satisfaction of knowing that they have so much control over you. You’re also proving this to yourself because, let’s be honest, sometimes we feel like we’ve lost control of our own lives and handed the wheel over to someone else without even noticing.
Apologies aren’t magical. They don’t heal everything. They don’t erase what happened. You tell yourself that a sincere "I'm sorry" will turn everything around, but deep down, you know this is not the case. This is something you NEED to accept. Once you have this drilled in your mind, you will no longer rely on another person to step up to the plate. You’ll realize that those worth keeping in your life WILL do so, and the others just don’t deserve a spot on the team. The sooner you understand this, the better.
Do not wait around for someone to feel bad. It won’t happen.
The most important thing you need to worry about is healing yourself. You are your own priority, and your well-being is only affected by someone else’s shortcomings if you allow it to be.
So, today’s your day and there’s no better time than now to put on your big kid pants and move on. If you haven’t gotten an apology by now, there’s a good chance it’ll never come. Do yourself a favor and forgive.
Carry on.
