Heartbreak. It finds us no matter how hard we try to run or to hide from it. Just as love comes in countless forms, so does heartbreak. Each type affects us all differently so to try and have a simple solution for such a complex aspect of being human is nearly impossible. I was introduced to heartbreak early in life. On my 16th birthday, my most favorite pet, Button the miniature horse, died of complications due to liver and kidney failure. Most girls get a sweet 16 bash with all of their friends. I got death, to put it bluntly. Now, people who don't have pets may not understand the trauma of losing a pet if they've never experienced it. To put it simply, it's like losing your best friend forever which is another heartbreak altogether.

At the young age of 16, I had my first experience with true heartbreak. I remember lying on the floor of my living room weeping after school for weeks after, not knowing what to do. For months, I blamed myself for not loving my baby boy Button enough and that's why God took him away from me. Even though I've had eight years to realize that Button died as a result of complications from improper breeding practices, a small piece of me still blames myself for his untimely death. I loved him so much, shouldn't have God realized that I wanted him to stay? Well, I guess God had other plans for my precious little one.

Let's fast forward to when I was 22. I entered into my first romantic relationship EVER (late bloomer, I know). I was crazy for him. He seemed crazy for me too. I thought of him every single moment of every night and day. He was my world. I thought we were going to take on the world together. The relationship lasted only six months and ended when he cheated on me. Six months is a short time, however, I felt so much in that time frame, I can't deny it's effect on me then and even now. The relationship ended badly, adding insult to the injury. In the post-breakup blues, one of my closest friends looked at me and said to me, " You know, my girlfriend said something about all of this and I have to agree with her. She said you should just get over it."

I had never been so hurt by such a statement as I had in that moment. I'd only broken up with him barely two weeks previously. I was shocked, I was enraged, I was already shattered and vulnerable. It was as if my pain was just a charade to be mocked. I howled at my friend as I've never howled at anyone before. I couldn't believe my best friend, my confidante, had said such a careless thing to me. How dare she and her girlfriend, neither of whom had any experience within my relationship with my boyfriend at the time or me, tell me to "just get over it".

Now, as I mentioned before, everyone handles heartbreak differently. The advice I'm about to dispel is from personal experience and I hope it can help anyone who may be going through what I've been through. My first piece of advice is that it's ok to be morose and inexplicably sad. This is natural. What might help these feelings is surrounding yourself with people, music, clothes, pets, movies, and books that you love. As much as a struggle as it may be to even get out of bed, push yourself to surround yourself with love. I never realized how loved I was until I was in dire need of my friends. I am blessed to have such wonderful people who are willing to stand up for me and love me when I can't feel anything but hatred and self-loathing.

On the flip side, if you need to have alone time, that's ok too. Be careful not to completely isolate yourself in your time of pain. As mentioned above, you still need to find and feel the love in other ways to remember that you are still worthy and capable of love. However, if you need to recharge your batteries, take that time for yourself. Go for a quiet walk to clear your mind. Write a poem. Play a video game. Go pick out a new lipstick. Order a large pizza and share it with no one (ok, maybe share a little crust with your dog). Do something little once a day to be kind to yourself. It can really help, trust me.

Something else that I found really helped me: put the cell phone away. There's nothing worse than the plummeting feeling in your gut when your phone buzzes. "Is it them?" "What do they want?" "I can't handle this." Leave your cell phone on your nightstand, at the bottom of your bag, or just turn it off. Nothing is more stressful than the possibility of unwanted contact. Take a social media vacation and focus on you and your path to healing.

Vent your anger. It's ok to be angry, even if it's unflattering. The anger is the ugliest part of heartbreak. During my spells of anger, I did not like the person who I was. To ease the negativity, scream into your pillow and just let it rip. Cry as if you'll never cry again. I guarantee that you'll feel better after an emotional purge. Believe me when I say I made sounds and cries that I didn't know was even humanly possible. I hope I never have to make them again.

Heartbreak comes in many forms and intensities. It affects people differently, people react to it differently. Grief and loss are very strange and instinctual, almost animalistic, feelings to have to deal with. Some sail right on through whereas others need more time. I speak for myself in that I need to take my time to heal. The initial detox period was an intensely emotional and spiritual purge. I say "detox" because I was addicted to him. I don't drink, do drugs, or smoke so my poison is love and people. My greatest weakness is I become addicted to people. As the months wore on, it was taking its toll on me, being so hurt and angry all of the time. I didn't gain peace until I forgave my ex for his actions before the breakup. I didn't forgive him for his sake, I forgave him for my sake. In forgiving him for his toxic behaviors and bad choices that affected us both, I felt a weight lifted off me. I no longer cried every night before bed. I no longer became physically ill on a frequent basis. I felt an odd sensation come over me when it was time to forgive: peace. Given, at the time a piece of me still loved him and to be honest a piece of me always will, I realized I had to love him from afar and let it all go in order for me to be free. Would I ever get back together with him? Not a chance. I had seen the darkest parts of him that he insisted on keeping dark and that was a darkness I couldn't bear. But I forgave him for his darkness and I forgave him his rejections in my offerings of help. He didn't know any better and that knowing only comes with time. In all sincerity, I hope he finds his way and can be content in life.

In summary, my biggest point is that the way someone feels and how someone else interprets it are two different things. Things that don't phase you could be the end of the world to someone else. So when someone you know is going through a period of grieving all I can say is this: you should love them, for as broken as they may be, and remember that it's their heartbreak, not yours. Don't try to shove your opinions down their throats especially at a time when they don't want to hear it. Be kind, be patient, but most of all, be there. Just be there for your loved one who is in need. Conversely, if you're going through a heartbreak, just know that you are loved. You are worthy of love, you are capable of love, and you will survive even your darkest nights as long as you take it one day at a time (even if it's a gloomy day). Most importantly, you must forgive in order to heal. This all comes at the right time, it can't be rushed. Heartbreak has no expiration date. Heartbreak can either destroy you or you can learn the lessons that heartbreak brings. Don't use heartbreak as a crutch. Face it, live with it, scream at it, embrace it, and let it set you free. When it comes to heartbreak, take it from me, it lasts a while but it does get better. You never fully forget it or "just get over it". The mended part of your heart remembers where the scar came from and the stories that come with it. Always keep fighting for yourself and for what tomorrow just might bring. I promise, it does get better and you'll find peace at your own pace. Peace will come, I promise.

Take care. Much love.