It's unfortunate, but for as long as I can remember, rape was often something kept under a lot of curtains, and hidden from societal conversations from generation to generation. Most recently, I was able to attend a read-in by an alumnus of my school, H. Marie Williams, where she read some chapters of her book, "The Remedy." She spoke about her first encounter with rape. At first, the audience attending this read-in were curious about how long she had kept her rape a secret from her friends and family. Her response was that she told her father four years after she was raped, and after many years of therapy to overcome her depression. What I could understand from her long period of secrecy was that she was not the same person she was before she got raped. When I think of all of the people that believe handling rape is as easy as telling the police, or going to the hospital or even a telling your parents, I think of how negligent society has been with this case. I, personally, was one of those people close-minded about the rape victim's feelings. Wondering "how could they not find justice for themselves?" Never understanding how truly broken inside victims of rape feel.
When we think of rape we need to acknowledge that it isn't something that is specific to a certain sex. One of the biggest misconceptions is that a man can't be raped. Most times we assume this because when we think of the women being raped, we note that just about every story involves the women being raped by a man. This, however, is not always true. What is also not different about when a female or a male gets raped is their objection to seek help after the rape. Because rape is also motivated by the desire for power and control over another person, we should understand that these victims are not only losing their personal boundary, but they are also losing integrity and they feel that this equates to them feeling helpless. In one occasion, 23-year-old John was assaulted and raped by his boss, who was a male. John hasn’t told any of his friends or any family why he quit his job and has found himself becoming more and more depressed as the weeks go by. He feels ashamed that he did not fight off his attacker. Shame is a big reason for why victims of rape don't seek help. In John's case, just like many others, shame exists because we feel that we could've done something to prevent getting raped, in this case it would be to fight back. Another example of why victims may keep their rape a secret is because of their fear of what other people think. Whether they might believe that the victim is naive or unable to protect themselves, they might even think that the victims automatically damaged, psychologically. So many of us that don't understand something, are easy to speak and not consider all the person is going through, and it is sad, but it also provokes silence from that person on what they are going through. All in all, we can continue to build on the many reasons why rape victims, both male and female, keep their experience to themselves, one thing is for sure, however, and that is that their experience and what they decide to do about their situation, is their choice.
If you are a victim of rape, or you know someone that is, I implore you to speak up! Tell someone, anyone that can help you with what you are going through. Here's a well-recommended site I'd use to seek that help.
