His friends asked him to go and just hang out. There’s not much to do in the small town he’s in and so of course, he goes. I don’t mind at all and I knew there would be other girls there. I know that the girls he will be around are extremely flirtatious, to put it in nicer terms. It happens. A lot. I can’t say I am always comfortable with him being out on the town with his friends and I really don’t like him being around certain people, especially since I am two-and-a-half-hours away at college, but here is why I won’t tell him to stay home.
I spent over a year with someone who told me I couldn’t do and say as I pleased. I couldn’t talk with certain people or have friends. Basically, my entire life had to revolve around that relationship. At first, I was submissive to it, but over time I realized I wanted to be my own person. When that relationship ended, I knew that I didn’t want to be controlled anymore.
Since dating (to avoid a big mess I will put a fake name in place of my ex) Joe, I changed a lot. It’s sad to say that my current boyfriend has had to deal with the damage that has been done. I have a shorter temper, I often react without thinking, I scream and yell at times and only make myself look like an idiot. I’m not the same person I was. I notice I act like Joe at times or at least I want to. I get extremely jealous and almost act on it out of a stupid fit of rage. I sometimes take my jealousy out on my current boyfriend and in the end, it does no one any good.
I’ve come to realize my problem isn’t with him. My problem is with the people who are around him. Specifically, females. I won’t tell my boyfriend that he can’t go out with friends. I may not be comfortable with circumstances that go on, but I know that I can trust him. He expects me to tell him to stay at home and I guess to crack the whip on him, but I can’t do that. You’re only young once. I would hate to be the one to hold him back from something that would make him happy or give him great memories. Basically, what I am saying is that I refuse to be a Joe. I refuse to make him feel like he has to be cooped up. I want to show him exactly how I want/wanted to be treated.
Jealousy and protectiveness can be good in relationships. Just as Maya Angelou once said, “Jealousy in romance is like salt in food. A little can enhance the savor, but too much can spoil the pleasure and, under certain circumstances, can be life-threatening.” Being too jealous or over protective pushes people away over time. I refuse to make the same mistake and I refuse to turn into a Joe. I want us to be able to lead our own lives, be our own person, but still have one another there for support. Now, don’t think that boundaries are not set. I expect that he should be able to go out and handle himself and still respect me. I expect he knows what situations to allow himself to be put in so no boundaries are crossed or trust lost.
Independence in a relationship is necessary. I learned that lesson the hard way. That’s my goal in this relationship! I fully trust that he can go out and have fun and still be loyal to me. I want to be able to be a girlfriend. I am not his wife and I am not his mother. I can’t tell him whether he can or can’t hang around friends. I can’t tell him how to live his life or make him submissive to me. I have no real rule over him and I won’t. He is his own person and is fully capable of leading his own life. I care a lot about this person, and I think trust goes a long way. Being able to be independent in a long-distance relationship, or any relationship for that matter is a major key to success!
It is a fairly green relationship, but I look forward to where we may go.