i have been single my whole life. Partly because I am super shy but also partly because I never really found someone who fit my standards. I used to always believe that maybe my standards were too high. All I wanted was a guy who was nice, loving, caring, smart, funny, someone who would be there for me no matter what, someone who even when we fight we still don't lose our love for each other, someone that I love being around, someone who is my best friend, someone who supports me but also tells me the truth when I need to hear it, someone who is both similar and different from me (in a good way), and overall someone who is a good human being. I thought these were pretty reasonable standards yet I never quite found someone who fit. So I never dated and watched as all my other friends entered into relationships and I was pretty much the only friend who wasn't. I couldn't help thinking, was I asking for too much?

When I came to college one of the things I promised to myself is that I would try to be more social and put myself out there. It wasn't really until last year that I started to truly feel comfortable with myself fully and felt comfortable enough to really look for a potential relationship. I started to talk to some guys and there was one guy in particular who I really liked because, while at the time I didn't really realize this was the case, he told me I was beautiful. He didn't even have his high school diploma. The only good quality he had going for him was that he was nice, and I was thinking of lowering my standards because I was in love with the thought of being in a relationship and was honestly convinced that I might not get another chance to be in a relationship. Well one day I realized, what am I doing? This wasn't how I wanted my first relationship (I wasn't in a relationship yet) to go and this guy was definitely not who I pictured as my first relationship. I realized I was settling because of long-term self-esteem issues so I thought that if I turned this guy down there might not be another guy. I realized that I was only happy because a guy finally told me I was beautiful and for the longest time I had always relied on other people's opinions of myself and my body, which was not good. I have grown and have learned to love the person I am, but I found myself relying on another's perceptions again. So I told him I didn't want to pursue a relationship anymore, and that was that.

I learned from that experience that I have my standards for a reason, and that I shouldn't lower them for anyone. I also learned that I shouldn't just like a guy because he gives me attention. I don't need a guy to know that I am beautiful. I deserve to have the kind of guy I want and I know that someday I will find him. I have some expectations for the first relationship I end up having, and while I know that most people don't end up marrying the first person they ever dated, I hope that my first is also my last relationship. Most important, I will not lower my standards and will know and respect my self-worth and any guy who is worth my time will be sure to do the same.