This is a sort of follow-up to “Why We Travel,” because I was able to travel some more. More specifically, I was able to study abroad, and it was one of the most fulfilling and one of the most challenging experiences of my life.

There are few other ways to say it, because that about sums it up. What I learned and experienced during my three weeks in rural (and a little bit of urban) France changed me forever.

I went to France with this preconceived notion of who I was, as all people do. I based my confidence on the fact that I’m friendly, intelligent, and mostly polite (other than during hockey games). I based my confidence on my ability to interact with other people positively and to have a sense of humor about the things that I encountered.

While in France, that was completely torn down. When I couldn’t adequately communicate my thoughts, manners, and sense of humor, I was lost. How was I supposed to show my personality when I could barely say hello?

So for the majority of the trip, I was grumpy. I was confused and upset. I wasn’t confident and I wasn’t myself. I was short with my fellow Americans because I couldn’t adequately express myself to the French.

I realized about two and a half weeks into the trip that I had built my confidence all wrong. Sure, I had built it on being friendly and intelligent, but I portrayed those things with pretty talk - I used big words and proper grammar to say “hey, look at me. I read.” I used a sense of humor to say “I’m relatable and friendly.” My confidence was all talk, and no action, and that really showed when I had no access to the talk. So really, how friendly was I? How smart was I, how polite, if I couldn’t show those things silently or in another language?

And when I did talk to the Americans, I released my frustration with them. I amplified the things I use to be confidence - my intelligence and my pride in my background and my friendliness into the worse sides of those things. I turned to pomposity and entitlement and “oh, I’ve been here before.” Because I wasn’t strong enough to realize that my confidence should have derived from my actions, I was weak.

I missed out on great friendships all because I was frustrated with myself. My French improved, sure, but I think it improved the most in the last few days when I was willing to look at myself and say “this isn’t cutting it.”

And that’s why we go abroad. We go abroad to learn, sure. I learned about what went on in les douves and I learned about le 16e siécle and Pope Clement V, and I learned French. But more importantly, I learned about how to interact with people. I learned how to treat personalities different than mine, and that different isn’t bad. I learned how to respect people from different backgrounds, and how to see where they were coming from with their opinions. I learned how to not be jealous of someone’s success, but rather to admire it and learn from it.

I found that when I spoke my best French, it was because I was speaking about things I was passionate about. When I found common ground with the French about political or social issues or just a dumb joke, I was able to speak the best. When I wasn’t trying to communicate my false sense of confidence, I was at my most confident. All I had to do was allow what I loved to shine through, and that was when I was truly myself. Those moments were brief, but oh, were they beautiful.

Studying abroad isn’t about the studying, it’s about the abroad. It’s about challenging yourself and others to see themselves out of their comfort zone, to reach out of their own walls and to experience life in a different and more fulfilling way. It’s about stressful nights and coffee in a bowl and realizing just how lucky we are to even have the opportunity to go to France.

Studying abroad is so many things, and it changes everyone who experiences it.

On the taxi ride to the Bordeaux airport, we had a driver who spoke no English. He was, however, very friendly. When he first started talking, I answered succinctly. No one else was quick to respond, and I don’t blame them. It was early in the morning of a long day.

But then I saw him accomplishing what I couldn’t for two weeks: his kindness and his sociability shone through the language barrier, because he was willing to try. He used short sentences and simplified his language for me - a foreigner - just to be friendly. He didn’t have to. He could have just as easily stayed quiet for a half hour.

And you know what? As I started replying more and asking him what he thought of France’s soccer team, my French became better bit by bit. And for maybe the first time on that trip, I like to think that my kindness showed through a little bit too.