As Carrie Bradshaw once said, there's a battle between what we know and what we feel.
As a writer it is important to be open and honest with my readers, writing is an emotion and good writing always comes from the heart. In a world full of potentially dateable men I'll never understand why girls including myself always want the guys we cannot have.
This got me thinking, in the dating world we have a wide variety of options of guys to pick from when we are newly single, we have your typical "fuck boys" who most of my friends sadly fall for. You know the ones that don't text you back for hours, lead you on like they like you only to find out you're one of many other girls he has in his phone.The super sweet "nice guys" who would literally climb a mountain for you if that meant making you happy. The cheaters, the perverts, the try-hards, the know it all's and the list goes on. Out of all these guys though why is it that typically women go after men they cannot have or change, OR if we can have them we settle for less than what we deserve?
I am not sure if its the thrill of chasing a man (or really boys I should say) we can't have or the challenge of trying to make a boy love us or want us in the way we desire that keeps us going. Either way, it's exhausting and I'm not sure why we put ourselves through such heartache just for a title or an Instagram post about us.
Personally, I have been through this I have tried to make a boy love me who was just unattainable of loving me even though he swore he once did. For hours I would sit and think how I could change myself to make him love me, in the process of that I lost myself. After the damage had been done and time had passed, the accepting feeling kicked in and I picked myself up and moved on as every woman before me has done. At the time I thought I was fighting for the both of us, I thought that maybe if I tried hard enough to make him see how great I was then he would realize it too and I would be able to save us.
As women we hate giving up on love, (I blame romantic comedies) we hate feeling like we invested so much of our time and energy into a person for so long just for it to end in heartbreak and a carton of Ben & Jerry's. I think this is a big factor on why we keep trying for people who clearly don't care for us.
But here's my advice move on. Put one foot in front of the other and keep going, even on days you feel like you're falling apart and you just want to cry and trust me you will have those days, just keep going and know that you're still moving even when you feel like you're standing still. Knowing your worth is so much more important than ever trying to make a man love you. If you're at the point where you have to beg for a man's attention than honey that is not the man for you. Like I said writing is personal and let me say I am not perfect I have begged for a man to love me one way too many times than I'd like to admit, but it wasn't until I realized my self-worth that I realize that those men that I tried so desperately hard to love me weren't worth my time.
So stop chasing. Even if you swore up and down to yourself that you were going to have all his babies and life was going to be perfect with this one guy, move on girlfriend and realize that if it's not 50/50 effort than it's not worth your time. The world is full of awesome guys out there you just have to let the universe do its thing and trust that better things are coming as long as you stop chasing after someone who doesn't care. Life is not a Nicholas Sparks movie and he isn't going to come back no matter how hard you try if he doesn't care. So stop chasing, stop running and trust that better things are to come as long as you have a little faith and a lot of trust in yourself and you know your worth.
love always,
-The girl who stopped chasing.
