Remember that time you called me at 2 a.m. and I picked you up? I reassured you that everything would be alright. Or maybe the other times I dropped everything going on in my life to make sure that you were okay. I altered my schedule to your needs. I eased your worries and told you that it was not something to worry about. That you were better than it and that this feeling is only temporary. That it’s not worth wasting your time on. However, you made me feel like I was wasting yours.
How is it that when I need you, you’re not around? The few times that I call, you don’t pick up and it goes straight to voicemail. I understand that you are busy, I get it. But, you forget that I have a life too. I am busy as well. Shocker - I know. My life does not revolve around making you feel better because I also have a life and things to do.
However, the difference between you and me is that I chose to make time for you and you choose to not give me the time of day. There were times I felt like I was inconveniencing you because I needed you to be my friend. I felt like I was burdening you by telling you my troubles and because you made it seem like your troubles were more important than my own. I assumed that you were my friend, I shared how I felt and what was going on, yet, I felt like I inconvenienced you in some way, that your problems are more important than mine. It’s not okay.
It took a lot of time to realize this and I’m glad that I do now. A friendship is a mutually-beneficial relationship and this friendship is not something I am benefitting from. Instead, I feel drained of any energy and emotion I have left because I wasted a lot of it on you. You are not a good friend. I question if I can even call you my friend, because a friend would never make me feel like I’m not worth their time.
I know that I did not have to do a lot of those things for you, but I wanted to. I chose to because I wanted to be there for you and because I thought you were my friend. I prioritized you. There’s a point when I realized that I am not benefitting from this friendship at all.
You are not worth my time and I’m okay with that. It was hard to admit it to myself at first, but there are many other friendships that I would rather invest time and energy on instead of yours. I choose to be around people that make me feel loved and supported; people that will listen and make me feel valued. You are not one of them, and that’s okay.
I hope you realize that you missed out on a really great friend. If there ever comes a time when you decide that you are someone that deserves to be in my life, let me know. I did value our friendship, however, you’re not worthy of being my friend and being in my life at this moment in time.
Sincerely,
Your Old Friend
