The other day I tried to explain to someone over the age of 40 years old what the "talking" phase was in relationships. The look on their face was priceless as they responded:
"If you really like someone, why don't you just date them?"
My response: "Well it's not really dating, it's just "talking".
Today our generation's version of dating has began to develop into this complicated idea that we can put our hearts through an emotional roller coaster before we even think about putting a "label" on our relationships.
Explaining the "talking" phase to people is absolutely exhausting. We have to answer questions like: Do you hang out all the time? What do you guys do together? Are you moving towards something else? Do you actually like that person?
So what really happens in this mysterious "talking" phase? Most often it happens when two people are interested in each other and begin to hang out frequently with one another. Maybe there is an occasional date or "Netflix and chill" but it is basically a stage where people can be free to do whatever they want while still slightly holding on to someone they "may" be interested in. It consists of over analyzing everything, overthinking and complete uncertainty. We never know how long this phase will last but all it really leaves us with is a very unhealthy views on relationships.
"So, what are we?"
One moment that person is interested in you, the next moment they could be "talking" to someone else. What are the boundaries? There usually doesn't involve any commitment, some people don't like to be tied down so the "talking" stage gives a perfect opportunity to keep freedom and not feel guilty about doing whatever you want with whoever you want. You don't want to become too clingy because - let's be honest - it will probably freak the other person out. You're basically unofficially together, despite the amount of time you spend with one another.
The "talking" phase is so unhealthy for all of us because it brings constant stress, confusion, anger, and becomes an emotional burden. Do you post that picture with them or is that just too much? Do you tell your friends or will that just be weird because they're technically not your boyfriend / girlfriend? But you most certainly don't ask questions like "So are you seeing anyone else?" because technically this person really isn't committed to you.
Unfortunately we are all part of the 21st century where you play this game of "talking" because you weren't good enough for them to claim you as theirs and it needs to stop. The worst part is, we continue putting ourselves through this process until we actually find someone that's worth our time. Avoid the unnecessary pain by finding someone who wants to give all their time to you. You deserve someone who wants you for everything you are, not just parts of you because you're simply a convenient option.
