Sometimes words are said and they linger in the back of my mind, eagerly awaiting my attention. They can find their way to my long-term memory, swiftly becoming a part of another story I can tell, maybe because of their positive meaning or their insensitivity and negative attitude.
This week’s words that are waiting for my attention are a result of a certain situation that has recently occurred. That is, one of the most meaningful people in my life has moved to a beautifully decorated new home. We tell her it’s the Four Seasons Hotel, but in reality, it is a memory care unit of a nursing home.
My grandmother, once a lively engaging individual, is now bound by wheelchair, staring into the eyes of unfamiliar faces in her new home. Her face, which had held the light of life, now has been replaced by an almost permanent expression of confusion. And while she had lived with my grandfather in their home where memories filled its core, she now finds herself in a memory care unit filled with those who’s lives have been stolen by Dementia.
The words that stand out in my mind as a result of this new reality, were those of one of my peers. They had simply said, “it breaks my heart to think about that.” And the conversation swiftly moved to their current happiness. At first, I was unaware that this phrase represented such negativity deep within my mind, but now it is a week later and the realization has hit that it is deeply negative, and as to why this is so.
To me, my grandmother’s diagnoses oh so many years ago, did not diminish her importance in my eyes. In fact, her Dementia inspired me to use my talents to help both the elderly and society at large. My grandmother actually put me on a path, which slowly has shaped my personality and my drive to give.
Just as her diagnoses influenced me, so too, her transition into a nursing home, has made her more of a powerful person in my mind.
Saying it breaks my heart that my grandmother now sits in a memory care unit, does not make sense because as long as her life has a ripple effect in my actions and passions, my grandma is still one of the most meaningful people. She didn’t have to remember my name to be significant in my eyes and she does not have to be living in her old home to make a difference in the world.
“It breaks my heart” is something you can say when tragedy strikes. But if someone has impacted those around them, to the extent of living a life dedicated to helping others, that is commendable. That is a life that will continue to be significant even when one finds themself sitting in a wheelchair captured by confusion in a new environment.
It breaks my heart if someone goes through life and does not do anything with it.
However, it warms my heart to think that someone like my grandma can live with Dementia and still be making a constant impact on those around her. It warms my heart to think that someone could be that powerful.
