Tequila. Mexico’s liquid silver and gold. A potion of legends crafted by God himself (via the hands of distillery workers – ya’ll are the best) and consumed in large quantities at your cousin’s bachelorette party.
But unfortunately, tequila has a bad rep. When one offers a friend said free alcohol (I repeat: FREE alcohol. Such a nice gesture when you think about it, right?), too often will they refuse the gift via a crinkled-nose face and simulated gagging noises. A rejection dramatic enough to provoke the offeror to send the offeree back to the operating table for her second nose job (I’m still really sorry about that Jennifer). If the haters were offered anything else – say a cupcake or slice of meat-lover’s pizza – anyone on a juice cleanse or gluten-intolerant as of 2015 would simply politely decline. They wouldn’t scoff and tell some off-the-cuff story about how “the last time they drank tequila”, they told their Aunt Martha that she does in fact look fat in that dress and woke up the next morning in their ex-boyfriend’s bathtub.
This rep is 100% socially constructed from legends of drunk calls to exes and sprained ankles from not so successful dancing-on-the-bar performances. Yet, when made with 100% blue agave (my apologies, Jose Cuervo, this leaves you out of the discussion), tequila contains solely natural sugar – also known as agavin – that ismade within the agave plant. It has properties that are connected with increasing metabolism, and as a result of their chemical structure, agavin cannot be digested. Thus, it isn't absorbed into the bloodstream. This means far milder hangover after a night of (tequila) shots with that best friend who recently decided that she’s a strong independent woman who don’t need no man – of course this follows two weeks of crying, bad chick-flicks, and chunk-monkey binges after Cory broke up with her at a Panera. But you’re just happy she’s interacting with humans instead of watching My Best Friend’s Wedding for the thirty-second time.
But wait there's more! Studies show that Tequila also has properties that remove oil and dirt your skin. Get a little liquor on your face while throwing it back? No fear - your skin will be thanking you for the light cleanse when you forget to take off your makeup before bed later that night.
So next time someone mentions “tequila” and your mind reverts to images of underage white girls on spring break at Señor Frogs in Puerto Vallarta, remember that they woke up far less hungover than their whiskey-drinking counterparts that spent the night on the beach in their own urine (s/o to Chad Johnson night one in Bachelor in Paradise).
Don’t drink tequila just because it’s the key ingredient in margarita night with mom.
Do it for your 2016 New Years’ resolution to go to the gym four times a week that you gave up on by January 8.
Do it for every time you thought your college roommate was crazy when she brought Camarena to the tailgate (looking at you, Jackie).
Do it for your health.
